Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

...my FMIL is trying to trash our wedding! First, she tells my FH that her niece HAS to be in the BP. I do not get along with this particular person, so I told her no. Then she tells my FH that it is tacky to have a Black & Ivory color scheme. Then she freaks because I am not wearing a white wedding dress. NOW she is trying to convince him that we cannot use the hall that we booked b/c it is too far away from the church - and she has the nerve to tell us it is too expensive (we are paying for this ourselves!)
On top of all this, she never congratulated us....ever
...and she has the nerve to ask me if I am buying her anything for Mother's Day!! I think she's lost her mind!

I am begining to wonder if I want to be a part of his family! I cannot get this woman off my back!

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Buy her a card, and write inside it~ MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS!!!! ITS OUR LIFE!

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

What is your FH saying? I hope he is sticking by you and telling his mother to mind her own business.

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Thanks I needed to laugh!!!! but you are right - she is just so overbearing sometimes.... LMAO

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

FH has reminded her *many* times that as unfortunate as it may be for her, the groom's mother does NOT get involved in the planning & has told her to lay off.. That ususally lasts about 2 days...

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Meanwhile, we got the tuxes today & he just called me to say she doesn't like our choices .... can you believe it!

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

I would just try to stay as far away as possible. Does your FH think she's crazy too? Maybe he needs to have a little chat with her...

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

He told her yesterday he already picked out her room at Bellvue!

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Just ignore her, especially if you are paying for it yourselves. She really has no say. Every suggestion she makes say, 'That's a nice idea, but I am going to do this. . . ' Just kill her with kindness.

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

I think you're right, Helene718... I think she likes watching me freak!!
Edited:
We only got engaged a few weeks ago & have to plan a wedding for 225+ people including out-of-towners in less than eight months, so she knows I am already on a tight schedule! - except for dealing w/her we are right on target.

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Try your hardest to ignore her- even if you jsut turn and walk away while she is in the middle of a sentence or hang up while she is talking on the phone. As long as you FH tells her to F-off- its ok for you to just ignore it. You dont have to be close to her to be a part of his family. Even though thats nicer!

I hope it gets better but it probably wont. I'll pray that you guys can work through it and it doesnt ruin you and FH's relationship

Just take deep breaths and !

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

It sounds like no more mister nice guy with FMIL. FH needs to be brutely honest and tell her to cut it out! That if black & ivory don't work, that the hall is too far or that you should not be wearing white, that is your choices and you guys will deal with if it doesn't work

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Thanks everybody.. your ideas will come in handy.

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Is there maybe something you can have her do for your wedding? It will keep the peace and then at least you tried. You will be marrying into this family and are stuck with them But if you make maybe a little gesture it may go a long way! If not give her a rasberry

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Actually, we have already asked her to help us choose the readings for the ceremony, and she has offered to calligraphy our placecards and invites. I am just afraid now that she will try to take over everything!

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Hey at least you tried
Stay strong

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Thanks!

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

Just ignore and tell her to plan the RD - that should occupy her

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

...actually, since my FH has not lived in the neighborhood where we are getting married for a long time, we do not know where to have the rehearsal dinner.

Re: Trying not to freak...but (long vent)

I COMPLETELY understand! My FMIL - no - ALL my FIL's complain about everything and make me miserable! Plus FI is so blinded by love for his family that I get no help from him I've basically delt with this by not including them in the planning at all. FI tells them what they want to know (it helps that I can't speak to them because they speak another language) and I stay out of it. I just do what FI and I want and don't worry about them. Oh, and about not congratulating you - been there too. FI and I went to his nephew's first holy communion party 3 weeks after we got engaged and NO ONE in FI's family even knew!!! His immediate family didn't even tell anyone!!! And their attitude about everything was less than enthusiastic to say the least! There were actually times when I considered calling off the wedding because I couldn't bear the thought of marrying into his family, but I love FI so I'm stuck. I'm sure it's really going to make life wonderful.