Holiday Wars...

So the last few years we've tried to split holidays or I'll spend with mine and he'll spend with his...but now since we're married, thats not gonna fly.

Xmas is easy because we spend christmas eve with his fam and xmas day with mine. This is NOT up for negotiation because its the ONLY day I get to see all my cousins out of the year (there are almost 20 of us).

So now it appears I'm being forced to spend Turkey day with his family. But I dont get why they get thanksgiving? And not for nothing, what makes my family any less special than his?

I get irritated going there for holidays because I feel like I'm in the way no matter where I am. It actually has nothing to do with me liking his family or not, I feel like no matter how much you like them, its just not your fam. And their space is very cramped. ETA--I know this isn't their fault, I'm sure they'd love more space, I'm just uncomfortable there, esp after eating 100 lbs of food.

Sob story over. How do I compromise? Its so hard when both of you are close with your family to give one up. And the way I see it, my relatives are older and may not be here next year

Re: Holiday Wars...

I always got Thanksgiving with my family because we went to Florida and DH wanted to go down there and play with the boats. So this year, since we have a wedding that weekend and can't go to Florida I had to yield to them. Next year I have solved that issue by saying I want to try my first Thanksgiving dinner.

Christmas was a disaster last year so we switched it. It means he misses his Aunt's favorite holiday Christmas party and I probably won't see my cousins... but last year we did dinner at both our Aunts, missed his mom's Christmas dinner and his mom was mad because we rushed out Christmas morning because Christmas morning is the most important tradition in my family. So we are doing Christmas Eve/Morning here, then going there for her dinner. I think its a good idea to establish this routine now, because when we have kids I don't want them waking up in NJ on Christmas morning.

As for Easter, I usually go to Florida with my parents and he goes home. Since I will be off of subbing and he will be working that week, were probably continuing that plan this year.

Re: Holiday Wars...

We solved our Holiday wars after my parents moved to FL. They stay in FL for Thanksgiving so we do not have the issue on where to go. We go to MIL's for dinner and then to FIL's for dessert.

My parents come up from FL for 2 weeks during Christmas so everyone knows we spend Xmas Day with my family. We usually spend Xmas eve with FIL and sneak MIL in sometime Xmas eve or early Xmas Day.

We will probably be in our new home for Xmas this year but will be doing to many renovations so next year we will have one of the holidays at our place....probably Xmas since we hope to have baby by then!!!

Re: Holiday Wars...

were having the same issue with thanksgiivng..

see his family doesnt decide what they're doing until THE DAY BEFORE

Re: Holiday Wars...

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Posted by KittyGags

So the last few years we've tried to split holidays or I'll spend with mine and he'll spend with his...but now since we're married, thats not gonna fly.

Xmas is easy because we spend christmas eve with his fam and xmas day with mine. This is NOT up for negotiation because its the ONLY day I get to see all my cousins out of the year (there are almost 20 of us).

So now it appears I'm being forced to spend Turkey day with his family. But I dont get why they get thanksgiving? And not for nothing, what makes my family any less special than his?

I get irritated going there for holidays because I feel like I'm in the way no matter where I am. It actually has nothing to do with me liking his family or not, I feel like no matter how much you like them, its just not your fam. And their space is very cramped. ETA--I know this isn't their fault, I'm sure they'd love more space, I'm just uncomfortable there, esp after eating 100 lbs of food.

Sob story over. How do I compromise? Its so hard when both of you are close with your family to give one up. And the way I see it, my relatives are older and may not be here next year

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I am going through the SAME exact thing right now. DH's mother is very, very ill, and has been for 2 years now, so for holidays we've just been inviting my parents to share holidays with DH's family. But now that we're married, I think it's unfair to my parents feel obligated to spend every single holiday with them and I really miss doing holidays in my old home... I miss helping my mom cook and just relaxing in their house, playing scrabble and hanging out. My in-laws have a tiny house and a HUGE family, complete with a million screaming kids. Oh, and did i mention, that DH is the one that cooks Thanksgiving dinner for 25 family members? and no one else (but me) lifts a finger? Neither one of us wants to be there, but we got so much cr@p for even MENTIONING that we might be doing Thanksgiving at my house.

I feel like because I only have my parents and one younger brother, that my family isn't nearly as important because it's so much smaller than his.

DH is one of 5 kids, and none of his siblings' spouses live near their parents, so I don't think they understand how close I am with my own family. It's like I'm expected to put my family second because they all do.

I know that MIL might not make it to Thanksgiving 2010. And I know I sound selfish and whiny, but I'm really unhappy about the situation. I know it's only one day, and in the grand scheme of things it'll come and go, but I'm dreading November 26.

Edited only to change 'FMIL' to 'MIL' lol

Re: Holiday Wars...

ps-
We are doing the following:

Thanksgiving dinner with my family
dessert with his
christmas eve dinner- his family
christmas eve dessert my family

Easter dinner- his family
easter dessert- my family

and by the way, his family lives rather far from mine... they live like 25 minutes!!

i just dont see why...

my moms the one who makes me feel terrible though. I seriously could care less where I wasgoing, i would rahter stay in one place. His family is huge and when im there i feel like it deosnt make a diference who is there, mine, it just my mom dad and sister

Were gona see if we can have one big holiday this year, and combine families...

Because i think its only fair you know?

Re: Holiday Wars...

Luckily, DH and I ironed this out while we were dating.

For the past 3 years, his family spent Christmas Eve at my Parent's house,

Christmas day was always spent at his Parent's and then dessert was at my Aunts.

Easter is done at my Sister's- DH's family goes there too.

And Thanksgiving is the only one we alternate. Every other year is at his Parent's house or at my Sister's.

Find a compromise that works well for you both. Good luck!

Re: Holiday Wars...

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Posted by PoppedInASnap

Were gona see if we can have one big holiday this year, and combine families...

Because i think its only fair you know?

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We'd been doing that with Thanksgiving and Easter and might have to do it again this Thanksgiving, but I just feel bad having my parents all come to DH's family over and over again. And it makes me more sad to think of them having Thanksgiving dinner without me.

Re: Holiday Wars...

Thanksgiving - I wanted to cook dinner for both of our parents, but DH thinks that our apartment is too small to do that.
So instead, we are going to his aunt's again this year for dinner(where I can't eat her gluten - filled turkey).
Then my parent's for dessert.

Christmas - we havent discussed it yet. Christmas is very important to me...and I want to spend the majority of the day with my family this year, especially since my sister just passed away.

While we were dating, I would eat at my parents and he would eat at his (they live 7 houses away) and then we would meet up here and there at each other's houses...but now that we are married - i'd like for us to stay together.

I'm trying to pick the right time to start the battle....

Re: Holiday Wars...

thanksgiving is usually w/ his family , and thats why im working!

xmas eve is always w/ out a doubt at my house, and xmas day is at his family, ...maybe i will work xmas too....

Re: Holiday Wars...

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Posted by twoifbysea

I really miss doing holidays in my old home... I miss helping my mom cook and just relaxing in their house, playing scrabble and hanging out. My in-laws have a tiny house and a HUGE family, complete with a million screaming kids. Oh, and did i mention, that DH is the one that cooks Thanksgiving dinner for 25 family members? and no one else (but me) lifts a finger? Neither one of us wants to be there, but we got so much cr@p for even MENTIONING that we might be doing Thanksgiving at my house.

I feel like because I only have my parents and one younger brother, that my family isn't nearly as important because it's so much smaller than his.


Edited only to change 'FMIL' to 'MIL' lol

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I am also so upset about not helping my mom cook dinner this year. MIL won't let me help at all and I feel very in the way at her house. But Justin's girlfriend can help all she wants. Thats because Justin's girlfriend is will be happy to move into that house someday where as I dragged her son all the way to Long Island, which she acts like its the end of the earth, even though its closer to their home then where he lived in CT before we got back together.

Also I hear you on the small family thing. I am an only child, suggest spending a holiday with my family and that seems to get thrown up at me, because he has two brothers. I instead think you should look at it this way, my parents only have me, especially my mom, my dad has a brother but I am the only immediate family she has left.

At least your in-laws invite your parents to join the holidays, my parents are left here on Long Island alone.

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Luckily DH and I are of different religions so the only holiday we have to worry about is thanksgiving.

And my family is larger then DH's (there are only his parents) they will come to either my mom or my sisters depends on who is cooking.

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I actually was TRYING to work thanksgiving bc didn't know what we were going to do bc I really could never see myself not spending it without my family. We are a very small family 12 with DH. But infornately boss gave me off. Now I dno what I am going to do. We dnt have the problem with christmas bc I'm jewish and he is muslim. This is really the only holiday that both familt would celebrate that will make it hard to decide

Re: Holiday Wars...

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Posted by PoppedInASnap

ps-
We are doing the following:

Thanksgiving dinner with my family
dessert with his
christmas eve dinner- his family
christmas eve dessert my family

Easter dinner- his family
easter dessert- my family

and by the way, his family lives rather far from mine... they live like 25 minutes!!

i just dont see why...

my moms the one who makes me feel terrible though. I seriously could care less where I wasgoing, i would rahter stay in one place. His family is huge and when im there i feel like it deosnt make a diference who is there, mine, it just my mom dad and sister

Were gona see if we can have one big holiday this year, and combine families...

Because i think its only fair you know?

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We tried splitting Thanksgiving last year and its a nightmare because every family eats at 3 or 4 and then by the time you finish eating and try to leave, you get 'you're leaving already?!?!?!' Last year we had dinner with his fam and my brothers/cousins/ everyone was calling me to find out when we'd be there...then I was stressing about leaving, he was pissed off because I more or less had to drag him out of there and then we sat in traffic for like over an hour for a drive from Queens to Port Washington.

The whole thing annoys me--and of course, I never even got the option to host because his mom sent out the invite for it THE FIRST WEEK OF OCTOBER.

Re: Holiday Wars...

We switch every year because every other year DH has his son for the thanksgiving, Christmas day (the alternate year we have him Xmas eve). Since we have my stepson this year our holidays will go like this:

Thanksgiving dinner- his family
desert- my family
christams eve and day- his family
the day after Xmas- my family ( thats when we all get together every other year because my sister goes upstate to visit her inlaws for Christmas every other year)

Its very confusing and annoying!

Re: Holiday Wars...

Ugh! I cant even answer this! We always fight about it.

Re: Holiday Wars...

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Ugh! I cant even answer this! We always fight about it.

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So do we...its horrible...gives me severe anxiety!!!

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Posted by MrsDrinkh20

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Posted by BarbieGrl10

Ugh! I cant even answer this! We always fight about it.

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So do we...its horrible...gives me severe anxiety!!!

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Yes!!!!!!!!!

And what bothers me as well is that DHs family does the holidays much more low key then mine does.

We start at like 12 and its tons and tons of hors d'oeuvres and drinks till your full!

Then at like 2ish is the 1st course which is usually some form of macaroni and meatballs or lasagna.
Followed by salad.

At 4ish we will start the main course - either turkey or ham with like 20 different sides.

Then some drinking, movies and nap time.

By 8 all the cakes, chocolates, pies, etc are out but you can always go back and eat more from the other courses.

At DHs house they do like cheese and crackers then turkey or ham with some sides then cake. It takes like 3 hours. But DH is always stuck cooking it so hes always to tired to go to my family.

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I'm so glad to read that others are having issues with this...I thought i was the only one.

Re: Holiday Wars...

im saying the best bet is alternate them this year his next year yours...

are your families close? where you can split the day? DH's family is in jersey so that never works for us! this year is going to be a disaster, cuz before i didnt really care where we went, but now i have new nephew that i wanna see all the time and especially for his first holidays!