We are happy again! No more stressed and sad!

Updated.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

im so sorry that you have been stressed out...it turns out that my engagement hasnt been the love fest i thought it was supposed to be...i think that this time is used to iron out any probs you and FH have before you get married--try sitting down and talking with him, without fighting...im sure he knows how unhealthy smoking is, and maybe you can let him know that you want your future children to have a daddy for a real long time...

and the work thing, that s u c k s.

im reall sorry again, keep your head up..you will get through your stressed times

eta: grammar fixing

Re: Stressed and Sad...

I feel like eveyone that i have been talking to has been going through the samething... Maybe u should take a few breathes & just review everything that is going on in ur life... Sometimes we are just always running we never just sit back and realy just enjoy life... Why dont u focus on things that make you happy this week... Once u are happy then u can make people and things around u happy

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i'm in the same boat. we were aruging contantly cause of different things but we both agreed to work on our relationship and compromise. i was also b*tchy so i'm tryin to just not get worked up about things, especially work. i can't stand my boss anymore. you are right about the smokin thing though. it's not healthy for him.

i guess just take things easy and don't get too worked up about other things such as work. talk to FH, maybe you can come to some type of compromise over the smoking issue. good luck & feel better.

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I think we all have those patches in our relationship where things are just not going how we want them too. I understand your frustration with the smoking, my FH doesn't smoke a lot, but sometimes he'll have a cigarette and it drives me crazy...I hate smoking. However, I have found that it works SO much better when I talk to him out of concern rather than argue over it. Talk to him and tell him how it makes you feel, you are worried for his health, you want him to be healthy so that you two can live a long life together. I hope things get better, I know they will. Keep smiling...

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Aww sweets. I think you need to rest a bit. Take a break from everything even FH for a day or two & then ask him to sit down & have a talk with him. Maybe you can come to a resolution about him cutting back at first & then eventually trying to quit. I really suggest him seeing a doctor for this. Its important to do it right. Be prepared for him to be extremely irritable during the process. But in the end it will be worth it.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

sending your way!
I know how you feel because I felt the same way...engagement makes you realize this is your forever and that this is what your life is going to be.

FH smokes and yes we fight about it but you know what I knew he smoked 6 years before we got engaged so that can't be your make or break point. He know how upset it makes you but that is his personal choice and you have to understand that he is not exactly like you as far as the fitness end goes.

As far as snapping - FH has no idea what I do, what bills I pay, when family birthdays are I take care of everything and sometimes I feel I don't want to be someones keeper forever and it's scary. But at the end of the day I do it cause I love him and he is so worth it in other aspects of how he provides for me.

Hang in there you might just be going through a rough spot. Go get a massage or do something to just unwind...do you live together? if not maybe take a couple days to chill from each other

Re: Stressed and Sad...

i'm really sorry you've been so stressed and depressed. just remember, you are not alone in this. i think all of us are in some way. and i think all of our relationships are a little stressed to some degree. money + planning + commitments = loads of stress & lots of fighting

i think the relationship issues you're talking about are surfacing now because you're starting to think about 'forever' as opposed to short term. things like the smoking weren't a big deal when you didn't concretely know that you were going to be spending the rest of your life with FH and now that you do, you're thinking about things that you don't want to have to deal with for that long.

my godmother gave me some really good advice about a past relationship that i think applies here. there's certain things that you can change and certain things you can't. you have to let go of the ones you can't change and the ones you can do it as early as possible otherwise it'll be like that forever. so i guess you just have to think about it like that and also think about the things you can't change, can you live with it because you know the other stuff outweighs it?

we're always here to help if you need it.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

hi...'08er crashing here

i read your post and just wanted to say i'm sorry that you are feeling so stressed and sad. but, i do think some of it is 'normal' (if there is such a thing). during my engagement DH and i fought so badly alllll the time that there were a few occasions when i seriously thought of calling off the wedding. not because i didn't love him but because we were just fighting like crazy. everybody told me it was 'wedding stress' and i didn't believe it. i think there's a misconception that the engagement is supposed to be the most amazing time of our lives....and it is in some respects, but it's also very stressful. in the year we were engaged, i was sick more than i've ever been sick and i was constantly moody. anyway, this is all to say that it will get better! just realize it is a stressful time and take lots of deep breaths! as for the smoking, i HATE smoking so i'm probably really biased but i agree with the previous poster that you should sit down and talk to him. i'm sure he wants to quit but it's probably really hard and overwhelming.

anyway, i'm totally writing a book, but i hope things get better. hang in there!!

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Just hang in there!! It will get better!!

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so im having a similar problem with my boyfriend... not smoking, but fighting and bickering a lot... and i just want to tell you that with the help of these girls, i am able to see that its normal to fight and couples who dont fight either dont exist or arent truly happy.

i would take the advice of the girls and talk to him about it. communication can be key. good luck!

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I think the whole engagement thing really opens our eyes because when you see qualities you dont like ( for you its his smoking a lot) you wonder if it's really something you could put up with for the rest of your life. I get extremely stressed too so I know how you feel. My fh seriously has no idea how much this wedding is going to cost us. He goes and buys all these crazy things and then racks up his debt and I'm here saving every penny possible when I make close to minimum wage. Its seriously the most frustrating thing ever. He told me the other day that he bought a quad...you can't even ride them in NY for christ's sake! So now he's going to be taking little trips to pennsylvania just so he can ride it. I flipped out on him over it! I think the stress level rises so much in all of us, but i really hope that as the wedding gets closer it calms down for everyone.

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Guy's- thank you for your advice and kind words- I appreciate it! I am glad I am not the only one going through this. Someone once told me 'When you get engaged, it's a sample of being married.' She is SO right. She said if we can make this, then we will be fine.

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Posted by SOTHISISLOVE53109
Hang in there you might just be going through a rough spot. Go get a massage or do something to just unwind...do you live together? if not maybe take a couple days to chill from each other

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No, I don't live with him. But I do think I need time away for a little bit- I agree with that!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

oo man...first..im really sorry that you feel that way.
i have been exactly the same, everything irritates me, we are fighting so much with Fh and now that he is leaving ..i dunno when, i try to come down a little but i cant help being a *****..hahhaha..

Re: Stressed and Sad...

i hope that you girls feel the same way i do... and i dont mean to like 'invade' your post... but reading that these girls have gone through the same things that im going through really helps an incredible amount. it makes me realize that one fight is not going to end the whole relationship, and that rough patches are common and okay every now and then....


i love you girls.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

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Posted by mdawg

i hope that you girls feel the same way i do... and i dont mean to like 'invade' your post... but reading that these girls have gone through the same things that im going through really helps an incredible amount. it makes me realize that one fight is not going to end the whole relationship, and that rough patches are common and okay every now and then....


i love you girls.

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I totally agree that you have a realize one fight isn't going to end the relationship. It took me a while, being with FH, to realize I could be myself and he wasn't going to leave me because we disagreed on something (I attribute it to horrible past relationships). But if you let things bottle up inside you to the point where you are yelling and screaming then that might not be good either. Just talk to him and let him know how you are feeling.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

I am sorry you going through this.....Marriage and relationships is about compromising and he needs to understand that....He dont have to quit fully because it is going to take some time but he needs to realize how it is affecting you and try to stop ..plus it is not good for his health.

like me for instance....before i got saved and into the ministry I used to drink and party and I had to compromise for my FH and it was for my own good.

so you need to talk to him about this!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

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Posted by Dr Meg

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Posted by mdawg

i hope that you girls feel the same way i do... and i dont mean to like 'invade' your post... but reading that these girls have gone through the same things that im going through really helps an incredible amount. it makes me realize that one fight is not going to end the whole relationship, and that rough patches are common and okay every now and then....


i love you girls.

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I totally agree that you have a realize one fight isn't going to end the relationship. It took me a while, being with FH, to realize I could be myself and he wasn't going to leave me because we disagreed on something (I attribute it to horrible past relationships). But if you let things bottle up inside you to the point where you are yelling and screaming then that might not be good either. Just talk to him and let him know how you are feeling.

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i completely agree with you. i am soooo self-conscious about what i say because if i were to completely be myself, my exes would freak out on me and scream and yell and verbally abuse me... but with my current boyfriend i can be myself, and we havent broken up yet.

for any girl who is in this situation, this support system we have going is perfect.

Re: Stressed and Sad...

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Posted by mdawg

i hope that you girls feel the same way i do... and i dont mean to like 'invade' your post... but reading that these girls have gone through the same things that im going through really helps an incredible amount. it makes me realize that one fight is not going to end the whole relationship, and that rough patches are common and okay every now and then....


i love you girls.

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You're not invading my post- just glad that these girls help all of us in one way or another!

Re: Stressed and Sad...

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Posted by flairforfashion

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Posted by mdawg

i hope that you girls feel the same way i do... and i dont mean to like 'invade' your post... but reading that these girls have gone through the same things that im going through really helps an incredible amount. it makes me realize that one fight is not going to end the whole relationship, and that rough patches are common and okay every now and then....


i love you girls.

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You're not invading my post- just glad that these girls help all of us in one way or another!

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loves you