Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

Okay so here's back story to give you info...

FH has never meant ANYTHING to his family...seriously. His sister got married 15 years ago, has two boys that his parents WORSHIP and his sister just got divorced.

Literally here girls - my mom and his mom talk and she finds out all about his sister and the boys - but NOTHING about FH... My mom cried after the first convo - because everything i've told her came true. His mother didn't mention one word about the wedding or FH - their first convo was about his sister and her divorce..

So there's that....(also side note - his family is only paying for RD for bridal party - anyone else, we're paying and that is a NIGHTMARE in itself. They are now trying to make it a rehearsal lunch....)

Recently - i had a blow up with his sister - totally her own fault - i SWEAR.. She told me repeatedly that i didn't give her info that i did...blah blah...

Since that time - she moved into a new apartment with her boys. FH's FATHER called FH to ask him to help her move. Now - his sister is 40 years old, FH is 37...so hi there - does daddy still call you and ask for things at that age? FH got VERY angry about this - if his sister wanted his help - she should call him & ask for it...so - he didn't call to help. He said - if she called, he'd help, if not - screw her. She didn't call.....

Since the day his dad called to ask him to help, 3 weeks ago, we haven't heard a WORD from his family. Now we are coming to my problem....

FH doesn't want to get in touch with his family - if they want him - they can call.

I'm having a Mary Kay day with a lot of my friends, my mom's coming, i wanted to have his mom and sister there....but what do I do now??? When his sis & I were having our issue - I had mentioned the date and she said that she has more important things to do....so she knows about it. My mom wants me to call his mom about it....but if I do this - i'm opening myself up to the WHOLE THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She may lash out at me for what FH did - she may talk to me about the Rehearsal thing....

Do I call or leave this be and respect FH's wishes that we do not reach out to them????

I was just talking to my mom who made me cry - telling me that I have to call her and if she tries to do the rest - that i can hang up on her - what is my problem, etc.... This coming from a woman who HATED her mother in law....so it's lovely & very hypocritical...

I totally don't know what to do....this is long - i STINK & i'm sorry....

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys...

so sorry you're all stressed..

personally.. my gf hardly ever speaks to her mom.. and whenever i try to get inbetween it really makes her mad.. she doesn't want her mom to be included.. so i out of respect took a step back and i'm not gonna get involved.

if i were you.. i would respect FH and not go calling them.. but that's just my opinion.. plus they're only upsetting you anyways.. why stress yourself out over them.. they suck!

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys...

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Posted by mlny83

so sorry you're all stressed..

personally.. my gf hardly ever speaks to her mom.. and whenever i try to get inbetween it really makes her mad.. she doesn't want her mom to be included.. so i out of respect took a step back and i'm not gonna get involved.

if i were you.. i would respect FH and not go calling them.. but that's just my opinion.. plus they're only upsetting you anyways.. why stress yourself out over them.. they suck!

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That's exactly what i'm afraid of - I want to respect what FH wants and not talk to them..but my mom got mad at me and hung up on me... I really feel like i can't win...either FH will be mad or my mom will...

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys...

Firstly, I'd like to say i'm really to hear about your troubles! It's horrible that his family would be so insensitive to him. If I were you I would try to reach out to FH's family. Your FH is in a bit of an awkward situation and I don't think he should have to be the one to reach out to them after the way they've been treating him. There are obviously some deep seated issues there and your FH is obviously resentful towards them, and rightfully so! Being that his family is the way they are, I doubt that they will try to reach out to the both of you..so I think maybe you should be the one to do it... I think you should have a serious conversation with FH and explain to him that you think it's very important that he reconnects with his family and offer to reach out to them..try to get his approval, you definitely shouldn't do it behind his back..If you get his approval, reach out to them and if they want to act stupid after that, that's their problem...you put the ball in their court by reaching out to them..if they ignore your efforts, they'll know deep down inside that they are the reason there is a rift between themselves and FH...if you don't reach out to them, they'll probably be able to justify their horrible actions...they'd probably say stuff like, 'Well, they just completely ignored us, blah blah blah' I really HTH, sorry I typed so much!

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys...

i'm sure your mom will realize that ultimately it's his family and it's not up to you guys to fix everything.. plus if they want to miss out on their son it's really their loss.. idk.. i know you want it to all work out.. but sometimes people are just too obstinate..

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys...

Sorry to hear about the drama... you don't stink, your FH's family does! FH's family should get their act together... What does your FH think of you inviting/calling his mom? If he is deadset against it I wouldn't do it because I wouldn't want to cause problems in the relationship at his family's expense... See what he says... Is there anyway his mom is rational? more rational than his sister hopefully...

As far as your mom's advice, I don't think she's being hypocritical... I think she is trying to spare her daughter some of the drama she went through with her own MIL... Knowing she's probably been through it all herself, I would def listen to what she has to say... You don't have to follow her advice but it's good to hear I think... Plus she sounds like she really cares about your FH or she wouldn't have cried at her first convo with monster-in-law....

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys...

Get this -

While I was typing to you all.....FH called his mother who proceeded to yell at him. FH asked - has she moved - what's going on? His mother told him that yes - she moved in last week - where was he? He said - why was I not informed as to what was going on? She said - your father called you. He said , yes my father called me to give me a heads up...is there a reason she didn't call me? His mother proceeded to yell at him and he kept asking why daddy had to call - why didn't she call him - aren't they too old for daddy asking for help??? She told him that his sister has too much going on and he said, really, so she works every weekend like me and she's trying to plan a wedding too? I understand...oh wait - no - she's divorced now & has a set schedule that she can work with. It would've been a 2 minute call to ask for my help..

His mom finally said to him, 'we are so dissappointed in you' to which he said back - 'you're not answering me, why didn't she bother to call me?' - to which he received a dial tone....she hung up on him.

I'm not calling - NO WAY NO HOW!!!!!!!!

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

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Posted by davenjess

Get this -

While I was typing to you all.....FH called his mother who proceeded to yell at him. FH asked - has she moved - what's going on? His mother told him that yes - she moved in last week - where was he? He said - why was I not informed as to what was going on? She said - your father called you. He said , yes my father called me to give me a heads up...is there a reason she didn't call me? His mother proceeded to yell at him and he kept asking why daddy had to call - why didn't she call him - aren't they too old for daddy asking for help??? She told him that his sister has too much going on and he said, really, so she works every weekend like me and she's trying to plan a wedding too? I understand...oh wait - no - she's divorced now & has a set schedule that she can work with. It would've been a 2 minute call to ask for my help..

His mom finally said to him, 'we are so dissappointed in you' to which he said back - 'you're not answering me, why didn't she bother to call me?' - to which he received a dial tone....she hung up on him.

I'm not calling - NO WAY NO HOW!!!!!!!!

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well being that he called, it's not even necessary for you to call anymore, really...that's horrible...if I were you, I'd just prepare for the worst when it comes to them...don't expect too much from them..that way you won't be disappointed if they pull out on anything they were supposed to do like the rehearsal lunch..

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

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Posted by GinaBambina88

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Posted by davenjess

Get this -

While I was typing to you all.....FH called his mother who proceeded to yell at him. FH asked - has she moved - what's going on? His mother told him that yes - she moved in last week - where was he? He said - why was I not informed as to what was going on? She said - your father called you. He said , yes my father called me to give me a heads up...is there a reason she didn't call me? His mother proceeded to yell at him and he kept asking why daddy had to call - why didn't she call him - aren't they too old for daddy asking for help??? She told him that his sister has too much going on and he said, really, so she works every weekend like me and she's trying to plan a wedding too? I understand...oh wait - no - she's divorced now & has a set schedule that she can work with. It would've been a 2 minute call to ask for my help..

His mom finally said to him, 'we are so dissappointed in you' to which he said back - 'you're not answering me, why didn't she bother to call me?' - to which he received a dial tone....she hung up on him.

I'm not calling - NO WAY NO HOW!!!!!!!!

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well being that he called, it's not even necessary for you to call anymore, really...that's horrible...if I were you, I'd just prepare for the worst when it comes to them...don't expect too much from them..that way you won't be disappointed if they pull out on anything they were supposed to do like the rehearsal lunch..

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I told him that & he said if they pull out of that - then he'll never talk to them again - EVER. and i'm not capping EVER - he really said it loud & angry....(he's at work)..

For awhile now i've wanted to take his sis out of the BP and this may be my chance....i dunno..

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

JMO but its FH's family and if he does not want contact with them right now, i think that you should respect his wishes

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

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Posted by Snowflake08

JMO but its FH's family and if he does not want contact with them right now, i think that you should respect his wishes

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At this point - that's what i'm doing. After his convo this evening with them - I wouldn't touch that situation with a 10 foot pole...

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

wow thats a tough situation..im sorry your going through this..i would honestly respect your fh's wishes and don't invite them

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

Hmmm... would FH honestly be mad at you if you attempted to contact FMIL and FSIL? I think you are being the better person by at least attempting to call her. If she hangs up on you or starts goin on and on then you know to NEVER ever make the first attempt again.

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

I hate it when parents act this way. My mom doesnt like my FH and things are hectic for my as well. The way I look it at - I am marrying FH and no one else. It's his family and all but you guys have to live together. Respect his wishes - he knows his family best. And with the situation just happening where she hung up the phpne on him -dont even bother callling her.

You know what the problem is right??? FH's mom loves him - no doubt that is her son, but she is jealous and upset. Upset over the fact that your FH is happy and leading a good and prosper life. She has no choice but to give all her attention to her other child because she is divorced and her life doesnt seem like a bed of roses now.

In a way be thankful that you and FH are happy and wont end up like his sister. She's not happy right now and when she not happy she wants no one to be happy.

I hope every think works about because family issues are so stressful, it makes u want to just elope and go live far away from everyone.

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

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Posted by rahana316

I hate it when parents act this way. My mom doesnt like my FH and things are hectic for my as well. The way I look it at - I am marrying FH and no one else. It's his family and all but you guys have to live together. Respect his wishes - he knows his family best. And with the situation just happening where she hung up the phpne on him -dont even bother callling her.

You know what the problem is right??? FH's mom loves him - no doubt that is her son, but she is jealous and upset. Upset over the fact that your FH is happy and leading a good and prosper life. She has no choice but to give all her attention to her other child because she is divorced and her life doesnt seem like a bed of roses now.

In a way be thankful that you and FH are happy and wont end up like his sister. She's not happy right now and when she not happy she wants no one to be happy.

I hope every think works about because family issues are so stressful, it makes u want to just elope and go live far away from everyone.

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It's funny that you say that... She told us right after we got engaged, 'if you think there's any chance you'll get divorced at all, please don't bother us with the wedding...we can't handle another'. SERIOUSLY...

And i'd LIKE TO THINK that was the situation and why his mom was being like this....but even when his sis and her hubby were married(fh and i have been together 5 years, the divorce thing started happening 2 years ago)....they NEVER cared about us or anything we did. He's a second class citizen to them...it's really sad..

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

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Posted by davenjess

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Posted by rahana316

I hate it when parents act this way. My mom doesnt like my FH and things are hectic for my as well. The way I look it at - I am marrying FH and no one else. It's his family and all but you guys have to live together. Respect his wishes - he knows his family best. And with the situation just happening where she hung up the phpne on him -dont even bother callling her.

You know what the problem is right??? FH's mom loves him - no doubt that is her son, but she is jealous and upset. Upset over the fact that your FH is happy and leading a good and prosper life. She has no choice but to give all her attention to her other child because she is divorced and her life doesnt seem like a bed of roses now.

In a way be thankful that you and FH are happy and wont end up like his sister. She's not happy right now and when she not happy she wants no one to be happy.

I hope every think works about because family issues are so stressful, it makes u want to just elope and go live far away from everyone.

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It's funny that you say that... She told us right after we got engaged, 'if you think there's any chance you'll get divorced at all, please don't bother us with the wedding...we can't handle another'. SERIOUSLY...

And i'd LIKE TO THINK that was the situation and why his mom was being like this....but even when his sis and her hubby were married(fh and i have been together 5 years, the divorce thing started happening 2 years ago)....they NEVER cared about us or anything we did. He's a second class citizen to them...it's really sad..

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Nah. Dont looks at is that way. IT's her son. She does love him even though she is treating him the way she is. She doesnt know how to talk to him and treat him differently. I think she is taking out tons of her fustration on him as well. She dont dare do it to her daughter - she might snap and collapse or something.

And see what I told you - she cant handle anymore divorces. She never had this in mind when she had kids. She wanted them to be happily married and leading a good life. Shes just miserable and taking it out on him. I dont know the entire situation but there has to be something of the past that is making her act this way towards him.

As upset as u and FH are over them acting like they dont care - please dont let is upset you guys. YOu dont want to end up like her. Unhappy and miserable all your life. Thank god for your blesings that you found each other and make it work so you guys cant be in the same situation like his sister.

Thanks for the long post . My family life has similar situations so I know how you are feeling. DO NOT LET ANYONE STAND IN THE WAY OF YOUR HAPPINESS. FH's mom lived her life already -its your turn now.

Re: Need Future Inlaw Advice PLEASE - long - but i need you guys... - UPDATE (odd huh?)

i really dont know what to say.....no matter what you do you will have a problem with someone. i hate to say it but it seems like a lose lose eother way.......i hope you can work it out. if you need to vent you can FM me !!!!!!!!!! that might make u feel better!!