Advice needed....shower gifts and returns

My stepmother bought me a shower gift that is something that'll we'll never use. She didn't buy anthing off of our registry, even though she knew we were registered, but that part of her personality is another thing. She got a electronic food saver from an infomercial!! It's the thing that wraps and seals plastic on things.

Well, fi and I do not have the room to store this, nor do we want to keep it. I called the 800 number and that's how I found out it was from an infomercial. They said if she got it off TV, it was $130! And, if I send it back, her credit card will be credited.

So, do I just tell her very honestly that we'll never use it and have no room for it, so at least she can get her $$ back? When I opened it in front of her, of course I said, 'oh it's so cool' etc., etc. And, in her head she was thinking it's the perfect gift for me! I know returning gifts might hurt someone's feelings, but I don't think that I should be concerned about her feelings, especially since she totally diregarded what WE picked out and wanted. She also got us another gift that was over $100 and not on our registry, but at least we know what store it is from and can exchange it.

Thanks in advance.

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns

Hi. Have you considered selling it on Ebay or something. I know how you feel. A very close friend got us the huge 5 quart KitchenAid Blender (costed $250) from Crate and Barrell. We know we are never going to use it but we don't shop at Crate and Barrell. So.... I figured i would keep it. Maybe some day when we have kids I can bake for school functions, etc. I don't know. I just feel really bad returning it. I am afraid she will be visiting one day and say where is the blender I got you.... My whole family meanwhile would kill for the blender, but I am like it was my gift, why should I give it to them....

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns

I'd be honest with her if you really feel you can't find someplace to tuck it away. However, even though you may never use it, I doubt spent $130 on something she thought you'd hate so if you don't want to hurt feelings this might be your best bet. Just put it under the bed.

If I may comment.... you sound shocked and disappointed that she didn't follow your registry and didn't give a gift that was *hand selected* by you.

I have been to many a shower and in my experience it seems very often that family and the closest friends DO NOT give registry gifts. Partially I think this is because someone who is close to you should put a little thought into a gift rather than simply going down an I Want List. I don't know what your relationship is with her, but I doubt she intended to get such a rise out of you.
JMO....

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns

Its funny you say this, but no one seems to be getting me anything from my registry for my shower, they all seem to be getting me girly stuff. Vickie Secret etc. Not even my mom

I think you should ask her nicely or have your FI ask her to get something else that both you and your FI will enjoy using. It might be easier coming from him

Good luck happy planning

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns

I would keep it, you dont want to start out on the wrong foot.. and plus, if you can find a place to store it that thing will come in handy later in life when you have pets, kids..ect.. i want one!! LOL

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns

You're right, it's a personal conflict that goes way back...ever since I've known her she didn't seem to take into consideration what is important to me...it's not just the gift, but after looking at my reigistry she even said to my sister, 'are you sure that Nina picked these things out?' And my sister said that she sounded like there was something wrong with what I picked.

Anyway, I know the options are telling her, finding a corner for it (which I don't really have) or giving it away. I just don't understand how someone could think they know someone else so well, when they really don't!

I'm also a practical person, I don't want something in exchange for it, but she and my father are broke, and I'd rather her just return it and keep the $$.

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns: long

Nina...I totally feel for you! Thank god my mom literally held my stepmothers hand when my stepmother was ready to buy my gift..and my mom told her I was dying for my china..otherwise I too would have gotten scary gift. In fact, I would never open any gift in front of friends from her my entire life...as afraid of what it was. On the other hand, I too got a very expensive gift from a close relative...who told my mom months ago that she hoped I didnt expect anything off my registry from her. I was furious that she thought that her tastes were better than mine. But more importantly, knew that if it wasnt on the registry, we didnt have room for it. What she got us was cute, and very expensive...but If she were going to get something to sit out on the shelf.....I wish she would have realized that the more things off the registry that we dont have to buy ourselves (like silverware) the sooner we can buy a house, to have that shelf, to sit her gift on :)

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns: long

I am very very lucky because my stepmom and I are very close and like mother-daughter. I would never sell a gift from someone else I knew I would never see them again. Can you get the item from a local store or did she definately order it from TV? If you can return it for something else, I would speak to her about that. If not I would put it in the closet or try to find a use for it. You can freeze lots of cooked meals and just heat them up after work now. That is a good thing.

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns: long

All I can say is- wow. I thought a shower was for your closest loved ones to spend the day with you and if they so choose, to 'shower' you with a gift. And I thought a registry was to help the gift giver in selecting a gift IF they so choose to get something they think you will need more than something they would have chosen themselves.

In no way was my registry set up to fill my house. I received lots of lovely gifts that I would have never chosen for myself and am so glad those people decided to do that.
I also received some things that were well, questionable- but they sit proudly right beside things that are more of my taste.
What happened to 'its the thought that counts?' Instead of 'Don't they know we need TOWELS?'
Sorry rambling......

Re: Kate

Yes, that is what a shower and a wedding is for. But when someone gets a gift that is not practical and the bride and groom have a very small apt in the city, what are they supposed to do? As I mentioned, my stepmother and father do not have money and I wish I can tell her nicely to return it so that they can use the $$ for their bills. And, as I explained, our relationship isn't the best, and I have other issues with my stepmother and that's where this whole thing probably stems from. I never said that my registry set up to fill my house, we don't even have a house or for that matter, much living space. I wasn't even going to register, but my sister said it would be easier for people.

I really did not need you to remind me that it's the thought that counts. I know I asked for advice, but come on, I mean really....

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns: long

I agree with you Kate... not to long ago there was no such thing as a registry... and the women who grew up with out the registry seem to be the people who stray away from them... i received a ceramic elephant for my shower from my DH aunt, its decorated wiith other aminals, and as this is def not something i would have bought myself, it sits across the room facing the door (superstion of good things happening i think)..

Also , when it comes to money its a sticky situation, for my wedding my aunt whos husband has been out of work for a very long time gave me atlot of money as my wedding gift, i felt like i shouldnt accept it being as they are tight for cash, but everyone i asked said it was an embarrassing situation for them and that it would be better to just accept the gift.. something to think about

Re: Advice needed....shower gifts and returns: long

Easy does it Nina! I wasn't singling you out. I was just responding to th general feeling I got from everyone here and others outside this board.
With only 3 days before your wedding I don't think this is the type of thing you need to stressing out about.
good luck.