baby talk...and husband too (long)

Hi everyone. Well, I am here alone with the baby again. She is sleeping. My husband left for work alitttle while ago. We had not really a fight but a disagreement. I really feel like since we had the baby he treats me like his 'buddy' and not his wife. I know having a baby is stressful and she needs so much of our attention but I can't help but feel like he isn't attracted to me or maybe he looks at me different. I sat and cried when he left and I really feel miserable. I know he loves me but its the little things like hugs and kisses and flowers (no he didn't bring me flowers when I was in the hospital)for having his baby and sweet cards and oh boy here we go again with the tears!!!

baby talk...and husband too (long)

I don't know if this will make you feel any better, but from what my friends have told me, your hubby's reaction is kind of normal. Sometimes it takes a while for your husband to adjust to you being a mother. He probably does look at you differently and it is definitely a period of adjustment for both of you. I'm sure things will get better. Maybe if you tell him some of the things you need or want from him...or if possible, see if you can get someone to watch the baby and go out on a 'date' just the two of you. You probably need some couple time and he needs to see that just because you are a mom now, you are still the wife he loves and married and is attracted too. I'm not sure anything I say can help you, but we're here for you!

baby talk...and husband too (long)

I don't have any children, so I am no authority, however I did go through a similar issue with my girlfriend, so I'll share what she did... I don't know how long you have been married, but in my girfriends case their baby was a honeymoon baby so he came about 9 1/2 months after the wedding. They planned it that way but when he came She felt that the baby took away from their couple time. When her husband started acting the way that you described, she felt exactly as you feel. So after a few months of bickering, she got a sitter (me) and she made a candlelight dinner for just the two of them. She made an invite on the computer that said something like, 'meet me for dinner and discussion at our dining room table...etc' Anyway, It was their opportunity to really talk, and what she found was that HE felt that the baby was time consuming and that SHE didn't really want or need him anymore. He also expressed that he was a little scared of the baby too. So, they decided that they would have 'baby-time' together every night!! It seemed kinda corney to me, but she said that it worked! She would wait to bathe the baby in the evening so they could do it together. He gave him the evening bottle. It was like evening baby sessions together. Because of it, they had time together to connect afterwards. As he became more comfortable with his son, they would take turns getting up in the middle of the night. It created a family time instead of a 'her and the baby alone' time. Now, I don't know if this helps, but, you need to find out what your husbands issues are and he needs to hear your issues--but in a non-confrontational way. Try the dinner & invite thing and start talking and then start to find some strategies to help the issues. I wish you luck and keep us posted. Ayanna-Anubride

baby talk...and husband too (long)

Hmmm...I am sorry to hear that you're sad, and that your husband is reacting this way. I think that there is a huge adjustment period after a child is born, and since couple don't really know how to prepare for it until it happens, it can be overwhelming and surprising. Hopefully, you will both soon be used to your new 'titles' as parents and things will be back to normal between you. How was your husband during your pregnancy? Was he still attracted to your pregnant shape, and romantic during your most uncomfortable moments? I am expecting next Spring, and this thread is giving me some food for thought. I wonder how my husband will react. Best of luck to you! We are all here if you need support!

hard period of adjustment

Thanks for the support and ideas. It really helped being able to just tell someone. We have been married for 2 years (on November 26!) together for 6. We didn`t plan this pregnancy, but he was really happy when I told him. I was happy too but I felt like maybe it was too soon, we weren`t married long enough, didn`t do enough things, go on enough vacations etc. We did have our house so I thought that first comes the house next comes the baby! My pregnancy was hard, I was pretty sick in the beginning and very emotional. I had a hard time with my body changing, but my hubby didn`t seem to mind. He was so fascinated when He could actually feel the baby moving and kicking. I know he is worried about the $ since I am not working now and as you all know it is so expensive to live and own a house on LI. I tried to talk a little to him last night and he did say he looks at me different. He still loves me but I am the mother of his child now as well as his wife. I said that I am still the same woman as before. We are going to try to go out for our anniversary in 2weeks. He thinks I have postpartum depression and I think I just want some attention like before. What do you do when you both think so differently? I really miss my hubby and I don`t want to see in a few years that we have grown apart because we had a baby. This is supposed to be the happiest time of our life except for our wedding day. What now?

Madonna or wife

Seems that it is almost a madonna complex. I have read about this and have done a bit of thinking on it. Sometimes the guy just is so in awe of what we have done- esp if he was in the delivery room- that he kinda looks at the wife like a madonna..and he cannot think of her as his sexy wife who has needs too! I dont know- just trying to be helpful as we have just passed the 1 yr mark and are thinking of kids (me more than he is) But I have thought of this issue too amongst all the other things that are going to change once any child comes in our life. I, too, sympathise regarding living in LI and the expenses. I am the breadwinner of this couple. Let me tell you it is no picnic at all. He is more comfortable having worked at his job for over 10 years- but with low pay...than try to go forth, try something new and get paid more money.ARRGH! ( do I sound bitter?)

Madonna or wife

Phyl... you have made a really good point. I remember him crying in the delivery room and looking at me like I had done this miraculous thing (it is pretty amazing but women have babies every day). I hope as time goes on things get better. I think when I tried to talk to him the other night it was a step in the right direction. He has been trying but I can see it is really difficult for him. It kinda freaks me out a bit how someone can change so quickly when you have a child.

beck...

Well, it IS a life changing experieince. remember how effected people are when they lose someone close to them, or lose a job, or on a good note, get married and have a baby! He just needs to realize that life has changed for the BOTH of you - but you are still his wife, lover, friend, and chief-bottle-washer! hope this helps!