Need advice on walking down the aisle..

I need some advice and not sure where to go... I have a bad relationship with my dad (alcoholic, verbally abusive, etc.) and he isn`t supportive at all about my upcoming wedding. My FH has been so wonderful to him over the past 9 years we`ve been together and although my dad likes him, he would rather I didn`t get married and take care of him (he`s a senior citizen who recently broke his hip). I suspect my father thinks he`s walking me down the aisle because he`s traditional and thinks this is his right. The problem is-I don`t want him to walk me down for a few reasons, primarily that I personally don`t like the symbolism behind it. I was wondering if anyone out there is having a similar problem and how they handled it. My mother passed away 7 years ago so that`s not an option. I thought about either having my brother walking me down or going alone but I`m not sure how to tell my father. Sorry this is a little long but I`m not sure how to handle this. Should I tell him that he`s not or just not say anything at all? Any advice would be truly wonderful and appreciated. Thanks for listening!!

My thoughts

I totally understand your situation because I was in a very similar one. My father is a wonderful person, but not a very good Dad. He is not abusive, just always puts his desirees and needs before his kids and when he left my Mom he let his then-girlfriend treat us horrible. I wanted to walk down alone. I mistakely told someone before him and basically hel_ broke lose. So in order to keep peace (because my father once again put what he wants first) I am having my Mom and my Dad walk me to their pew, then I will walk alone to the alter. My advise: Don't ask someone OVER your father (like your brother) but instead just let him know that you are going to walk down alone, or you could have your FH meet you 1/2 way and walk together. Don't tell your father why, or tell him that he is a bad father, just make it a very matter of fact statement. Then if he says, "I will not come unless I walk you down" you have to make a decision. That is what happened to me and my stepmother begged me not to cause WWIII in our family so I caved in and decided to have my Mom and Dad. But everytime I think of it I get upset. I just wish he had put aside what he wanted for what I wanted, just once. BUT that will never happen. Are you going to dance with him? Maybe you can tell him that you would rather dance with him at the reception and you don't want his hip to hurt while walking you down the aisle? Let me know how it turns out for you.

Need advice on walking down the aisle..

In that situation, it would probably be best to walk alone. Better that than symbolize something you don't want. If you get someone else to walk you then it looks too obvious that you didn't want your dad, but if you walk it alone it just looks like you just made that choice. That's very popular anyway.

Need advice on walking down the aisle..

Great advice from both replies however I would not tell your Dad it`s related to his hip. Better to not give a reason than one that could be open for discussion. Just say that you are "an independent woman of the 21st century" and that you prefer to walk alone. I agree with the others, I wouldn`t put someone in his place. That sends the definite message that you don`t want him to do it. Even if that is the case, I would not use the wedding as the place to make that statement. Some of this stuff is difficult because it involves some old issues but I can`t blame you for not wanting to put on a front either. Best wishes, I`m sure it will all work out fine.

down the aisle

I have had to deal with the alcoholic/verbal abuse situation my entire life (my mom). I somehow came to understand at about 28 years old, that it's a disease, and it can't be changed. I would still have him walk you - show you are a bigger person, and after all, he and your mom did bring you into the world. I'm just giving this advice bc someday after he's gone, you may regret not having him walk you, because the anger may go away at that point...

Need advice on walking down the aisle..

I am not sure what type of service you are having. But is you are having a Catholic service - there is another option. There are two types of processionals - the traditional - where the groom waits at the altar and the bride walks (or is escorted) down the aisle. This processional, of course, originated when there were arranged marriages. I guess it prevented either the bride or groom from bolting if they did not like their parents choices! Another option is similiar to the processional we see at Mass on Sundays. The Cross is walked in first by the alter servers, followed by parents of bride/ groom, the readers, the bridesmaids/groomsmen, flower girls/ring bearers, Bride/Groom and then the Priest. My church is heavily pushing the second type of processional because of the connotations linked with the first. I don't know if this helps - but good luck with a diffcult decision!

The truth is always best!!

My girlfriends Father split on her Mom while her Mother was pregant with her. Her brother stepped in as Father role & all around great guy. But as she got older her Father & her began to be on good terms. But when it came down to walking her down the aisle she could only visulize her brother doing it. She ended up writing her Father a letter (wimp way yes, but also he has a hearing loss & lives in another state) Her Father was hurt but knew she was right! And he bowed out gracefully. If your Father realize the history then maybe you should just tell him everything! It may be a bit unsettling but you may feel so much better. Good Luck!!

RE: thanks!!

Thank you all so much for your support and just for letting me throw my problem out there for discussion! I`m almost 100% certain now that I`ll walk down alone. I believe that my father sees nothing wrong with his behaviour but since it is a bona fide illness, he won`t change. He`s 73 and I don`t feel that telling him out right how I feel will help the situation. I`m not a confrontational type of person and it will only cause more problems if I`m truthful about how I feel. Aside from his total lack of support, the other thing I failed to mention in my first post was that he`s not helping us pay for the wedding-nor has he offered a penny. I don`t think I would accept any money from him because he`s likely to feel that I "owe him". Thanks again for letting me rant a bit-I have some time to deal with this issue but now that the bulk of our planning in done, the little things are beginning concern me.

Need advice on walking down the aisle..

It's your day girl, and one you will remember for a lifetime. Go with your heart. Tell him the truth, in the kindest way possible. (Turn a negative into a positive - somehow!)