Brides Helping Brides ™ - Second thoughts?

Post new topic

Wedding Forums > Brides Helping Brides ™ > Second thoughts?

Second thoughts?

AprilBride2006 Posted: Mar 17, 2006 09:23 PM+

AprilBride2006 MEMBER SINCE: 2/06 TOTAL POSTS : 289 WEDDING DATE: Apr 23, 2006

Posted: Mar 17, 2006 09:23 PM

Second thoughts?

Just curious if any of you have ever, even for a nanosecond, had second thoughts about getting married?

I did recently and felt like crap because of it. I wasn't being serious it was just one of those What if...? moments.

Am I alone here?

johnsae Posted: Mar 17, 2006 09:24 PM+

johnsae MEMBER SINCE: 3/05 TOTAL POSTS : 6255 WEDDING DATE: May 06, 2006

Posted: Mar 17, 2006 09:24 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

no I've asked myself that question...and yes, I feel guilty too for even thinking it, but we're only human to wonder.

Preshy7 Posted: Mar 17, 2006 09:33 PM+

Preshy7 MEMBER SINCE: 12/04 TOTAL POSTS : 4954 WEDDING DATE: Apr 22, 2006

Posted: Mar 17, 2006 09:33 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

who hasnt? its a HUUUGE step...you are giving up your life as a single person...you wonder if this is the right person for you...i think we all go through it..

i just hope that you do realize why you are marrying this person and why you said 'yes'...those feelings do not come but once in a lifetime and hopefully you are secure in your decision

july06bride Posted: Mar 17, 2006 10:10 PM+

july06bride MEMBER SINCE: 12/04 TOTAL POSTS : 7792 WEDDING DATE: Jul 01, 2006

Posted: Mar 17, 2006 10:10 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

Yes and I think it is natural to wonder- to make sure you want to spend the rest of your life with someone. It shouldnt be gone into without thought...so yes, I have, but I know why I fell in love with Fh- I know his faults and accept them...he knows mine and accepts mine...I know my life would never be the same without him in it, and for that I know he is the one!

Goldi1021 Posted: Mar 17, 2006 10:44 PM+

Goldi1021 MEMBER SINCE: 1/05 TOTAL POSTS : 12766 WEDDING DATE: Feb 18, 2006

Posted: Mar 17, 2006 10:44 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be

) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.

DA77 Posted: Mar 17, 2006 10:50 PM+

DA77 MEMBER SINCE: 10/05 TOTAL POSTS : 375 WEDDING DATE: Nov 18, 2006

Posted: Mar 17, 2006 10:50 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

That's beautiful, Leslie. I've come to learn that you always contribute something so meaningful!

VadersBride2006 Posted: Mar 18, 2006 08:05 AM+

VadersBride2006 MEMBER SINCE: 3/05 TOTAL POSTS : 1633 WEDDING DATE: Aug 11, 2007

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 08:05 AM

Re: Second thoughts?

All the time!!! But then I look at our beautiful children, or FH will do something sweet or silly and all the fears and doubt just slip away...

beautyq115 Posted: Mar 18, 2006 08:39 AM+

beautyq115 MEMBER SINCE: 12/04 TOTAL POSTS : 16776 WEDDING DATE: Jul 16, 2006

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 08:39 AM

Re: Second thoughts?

Posted by DA77

That's beautiful, Leslie. I've come to learn that you always contribute something so meaningful!

Totally agree

Happybride2005 Posted: Mar 18, 2006 08:49 AM+

Happybride2005 MEMBER SINCE: 5/04 TOTAL POSTS : 15930 WEDDING DATE: Sep 18, 2005

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 08:49 AM

Re: Second thoughts?

Posted by Goldi1021

I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.[/QUOT

that was beaiutiful

Reply | Quote | Subscribe | Report

summer06bride Posted: Mar 18, 2006 01:31 PM+

summer06bride MEMBER SINCE: 3/05 TOTAL POSTS : 793 WEDDING DATE: Jul 15, 2006

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 01:31 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

Posted by Goldi1021

I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.

Well said!

Reply   |   Quote    |   Subscribe   |   Report

kittythestray Posted: Mar 18, 2006 02:06 PM+

kittythestray MEMBER SINCE: 1/06 TOTAL POSTS : 4785 WEDDING DATE: Jan 01, 2000

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 02:06 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

Posted by Goldi1021

I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.

Well said! I want to add, no matter what, make sure you really LIKE this person. Not that you have a great physical relationship or think they're gorgeous, or think they're fun to go out with but deep down LIKE and admire this person and their beliefs and can talk to them. I think as people age we change, but our ideals rarely do, so you should make sure if there are things that are really important to you (like how you spend money, children, religion, families...) that you agree on them. Take it from an 'older' bride YOU WILL NEVER, EVER change this person you are marrying, so you better love him EXACTLY as he is! As for me, I did not ever question it, and I think it was because I was older. I have been in 2 very long term relationships and I recognize although my FH is not perfect, he's perfect for ME and I would not change one thing about him.

Reply   |   Quote    |   Subscribe   |   Report

Kris516 Posted: Mar 18, 2006 02:12 PM+

Kris516 MEMBER SINCE: 1/05 TOTAL POSTS : 3798 WEDDING DATE: Jun 23, 2006

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 02:12 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

Posted by kittythestray

Posted by Goldi1021

I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.

Well said! I want to add, no matter what, make sure you really LIKE this person. Not that you have a great physical relationship or think they're gorgeous, or think they're fun to go out with but deep down LIKE and admire this person and their beliefs and can talk to them. I think as people age we change, but our ideals rarely do, so you should make sure if there are things that are really important to you (like how you spend money, children, religion, families...) that you agree on them. Take it from an 'older' bride YOU WILL NEVER, EVER change this person you are marrying, so you better love him EXACTLY as he is! As for me, I did not ever question it, and I think it was because I was older. I have been in 2 very long term relationships and I recognize although my FH is not perfect, he's perfect for ME and I would not change one thing about him.

Well said!!!

Reply   |   Quote    |   Subscribe   |   Report

Lori0517 Posted: Mar 18, 2006 03:15 PM+

Lori0517 MEMBER SINCE: 2/04 TOTAL POSTS : 1578 WEDDING DATE: Aug 20, 2005

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 03:15 PM

Re: Second thoughts?

Posted by Kris516

Posted by kittythestray

Posted by Goldi1021

I once asked my mother how she was able to stay married to the same man for so long when the concept of 'forever' really sunk in. My parents had been married for 48 years when Dad passed away last July. She told me the one thing I needed to hear which I think many women (and men) never do. She said, when one gets married, they must come to accept that the nature of relationships change over time. It is very rare to find that couple who 'appears' to be head over heels in love for the duration of their marriage. We begin marriages holding hands, displaying public affection, having a full, fierce and frequent sex life (or so its supposed to be ) in various locations inside and outside of our homes. But over time - years and decades - the marriage develops into a different type of co-existence - a true 'best' friendship. Do you stay in love? Sure. But the definition of being in love changes. When a couple as a unit as well as its individual parts can accept THAT, then 'forever' is a much more feasible concept and not quite as scary or intense.

Well said! I want to add, no matter what, make sure you really LIKE this person. Not that you have a great physical relationship or think they're gorgeous, or think they're fun to go out with but deep down LIKE and admire this person and their beliefs and can talk to them. I think as people age we change, but our ideals rarely do, so you should make sure if there are things that are really important to you (like how you spend money, children, religion, families...) that you agree on them. Take it from an 'older' bride YOU WILL NEVER, EVER change this person you are marrying, so you better love him EXACTLY as he is! As for me, I did not ever question it, and I think it was because I was older. I have been in 2 very long term relationships and I recognize although my FH is not perfect, he's perfect for ME and I would not change one thing about him.

Well said!!!

I agree very welll said. You have to really look at that person like they are the end all be all. Second thoughts are natural, but remember you have to look at that person like their is no other, no matter who or what walks by. If you dont then really think about your decisio.

Reply   |   Quote    |   Subscribe   |   Report

AprilBride2006 Posted: Mar 18, 2006 03:43 PM+

AprilBride2006 MEMBER SINCE: 2/06 TOTAL POSTS : 289 WEDDING DATE: Apr 23, 2006

Posted: Mar 18, 2006 03:43 PM

Re: Second thoughts?
Thank you ladies that was very beautiful advice.

Reply   |   Quote    |   Subscribe   |   Report