I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

We've been married 6 months and I think I'm getting the itch to become a mommy. Thing is, we're not in a good financial place right now, and I still have to start/finish grad school. We also agree that we both wanted to wait 2 years for a baby.
I've been thinking about it soo much lately and it probably didn't halp that I spent the last week taking care of my cousin's daughter.

Please help me to stop thinking about this I know its not right, but I just feel like its that time. AARGGGGGG

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

I understand - we made the same agreement, but still have my law school debt. We want to pay off the nonconsolidated part before we have children. But last night I had my first dream about having kids. I want one now.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

I went through the same thing last week...in the past month about four of my friends had children and I found out two more were pregnant. We agreed to wait and I was all of sudden depressed that we weren't trying...but reality hit me and I need to finish my doc degree or coursework and DH is starting grad school as well...try to focus on the amazing stuff right now and know kids will come one day and change everything!!! it is hard sometimes though.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

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Posted by jeanla4c

I went through the same thing last week...in the past month about four of my friends had children and I found out two more were pregnant. We agreed to wait and I was all of sudden depressed that we weren't trying...but reality hit me and I need to finish my doc degree or coursework and DH is starting grad school as well...try to focus on the amazing stuff right now and know kids will come one day and change everything!!! it is hard sometimes though.

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I'm the same way--I think about it, but I know I want to finish my doctorate first. I'm surrounded by younger ILs who have kids or are PG, so that's odd for me, but I know we can never have time without kids again, so I am spending time planning our lavish vacations to enjoy our childless years! We made a list of everything we want to do before we have kids--places to visit, etc., and that really helps. We're having so much fun doing couple stuff, and I know our lives will be totally child-centered when we have kids.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

All I can say is that we planned on waiting two years, too, and well, I'm not almost 6 months pregnant and only married for almost 8 months. As happy as I am to be having a baby, if you know you want to finish your masters, do that first. You never know what could happen once you have a baby, and then you may never find the time/money/etc to go back and finish your personal goals. HTH.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

Thanks girls, I think I'm gonna make a plan for things I want to do/finish before we have a baby. I just have to keep myself busy and think about the 'us' time we have now.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

Having a baby is a blessing, but it is also very trying on a relationship. I've seen my friends who have babies dealing with jealousy issues on several levels, one,they are paying too much attention to the kid and not enough attention to the spouse, two, one spouse isn't helping out as much as they should, three, they feel tied down and unable to do the things they used to enjoy. Don't get me wrong, they love their kids and wouldn't trade them for the world, but there are some negatives of having a baby that need to be considered. If you or in this case your hubby isn't 100% ready for this life changing experience, it could cause a lot of stress on your relationship.

HTH,
Kelly

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

Having a baby is a blessing, but you have already set goals for yourself, now do your best to stick to them.

I had goals too but had a baby before I met most of them at 24 years old. I hadnt finished my masters degree and I hadnt bought a house... I now have my masters degree but I CAN NOT EXPRESS how difficult it was with working and school and being a mommy. I am now working on a house and it is not as easy financially as it was when I had no children.

I know the itch can be so strong at times, but just know by waiting you are making your life easier later on.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

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Posted by AlwaysSnow

Thanks girls, I think I'm gonna make a plan for things I want to do/finish before we have a baby. I just have to keep myself busy and think about the 'us' time we have now.

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Great choice! I think I'm going to do the same! It's hard to resist it the 'bite'. I've spoken to many people about this and found my Cousin's answer really hit home...she said it changes EVERYTHING. Wait...enjoy the moments we have now where we can get up and go away if we wanted to...and most importantly...enjoy each other.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

Honey - there is never a good time financially to have a baby. I say go for it. We agreed on 2 years also - but I don't know if I want to wait that long.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

You mention you have financial issues and despite what you want to hear, having a baby before you are both financially and emotionally capable is a bad idea. It's stress for you and baby not to be equipped for the expenses of childhood. My advice ... cool down, wait a year and re-visit the topic again after you finish school, get a raise, buy a house, etc. Wishing you all the best!

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

I actually disagree with this (two above), kinda. I see Ronkonkomonga's point, its never financially wise to have a baby-they're always going to cost huge amounts so fiscally it doesn't ever make sense. But of course we all know this is not a rational decision, its one about love and family, yadda yadda. But I do think you need to be financially stable to be in the best situation to have a child otherwise it may be too overwhelming for a couple. It doesn't mean you save so you can have a 'pottery barn' baby but like the above poster said (snowflake) owning a home, that emergency nest egg, planned retirement, and zero credit card debt are some key things to think about before having one.

That said, its not a rational decision so I totally understand the desire to have one. I'm waiting until my DH is through with his next deployment, its hard to put it off, but in my situation there's no way I'd get preggo then have him leave.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

Hey Theresa!

Hang in there!! Enjoy your time together as a married couple - alone!

How about just toss the idea around for a year and a half!

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

I just was wanted to add/ask-do you have pets? They're no substitute but they are great practice and might curb your 'baby appetite'. We just got a puppy and it made me realize how UNready I am for kids right now. The pup is a great team builder exercise and a good start to get used the $ drain and a little more flexible with vacations since you can board them!

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

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Posted by Ronkonkomonga

Honey - there is never a good time financially to have a baby. I say go for it. We agreed on 2 years also - but I don't know if I want to wait that long.

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i second this!!!!

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

You have fm.

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

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Posted by bluesashbride

I just was wanted to add/ask-do you have pets? They're no substitute but they are great practice and might curb your 'baby appetite'. We just got a puppy and it made me realize how UNready I am for kids right now. The pup is a great team builder exercise and a good start to get used the $ drain and a little more flexible with vacations since you can board them!

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I have to totally agree! DH wanted a baby right away, but now with our little furry bundle of joy, he's rethinking how fast he wants to have one....

If you all don't mind, how old are the ladies who really have the baby bug? I'm 27 and don't really feel it yet, however I am not really the 'maternal' type, in the traditional sense. That doesn't sound bad does it?

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

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Posted by curliegirl
If you all don't mind, how old are the ladies who really have the baby bug? I'm 27 and don't really feel it yet, however I am not really the 'maternal' type, in the traditional sense. That doesn't sound bad does it?

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I'm 27 and not feeling it yet either. I'm not the maternal, show me any baby and I'll love it type, but I think I'll want one eventually. But only if it's a girl.

....

Re: I think I want a baby but we agreed on 2 years

I had the bug bad when I was in my early 30s. Then, it kind of dwindled. I still want a baby, and I wish we could get started ourselves, but the desire for a baby isn't as strong as it was several years ago. Maybe my body's trying to tell me that I'm just too old for this! Although I also started working with kids around the same time, so perhaps that has something to do with it!