Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

So, both of my parents are deceased (and have been for quite some time). For those of you in my situation, you probably too have realized that nothing highlights their absence more than wedding stuff... from walking down the aisle, to special dances, to invitations, etc. It's become a real sensitive issue for me. I think I've decided to either walk down the aisle myself or walk with my grandma. But what I'm really struggling with is the father/daughter dance... I don't really have anyone else I'm willing to do this with and I'm ok skipping it, but I can't take away from FMIL her dance with FH - so... do you think it would be weird to just have their dance, or do you have any alternatives that don't involve me dancing with my brother? Thanks for your help.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

i would probably do one of 2 things - either skip it al together (no i dont think it is weird just to do a mother/son and not a father/daughter) or it might be a nice touch to maybe do a fun dance with your FFIL. i wouldnt pick 'butterfly kisses' or 'daddy's little girl' - but maybe something more upbeat and fun like 'isnt she lovely'. (just throwing out an option)

good luck with your decision - i kow this must be tough.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I am sorry to hear this My parents aren't deceased but I don't deal with either one of them. My grandma is giving me away and I'm also sharing my father/daughter dance with her. She raised me from 2 years old. I hope that everything works out for you

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

are you close with your FFIL??? you could do a dance with him or even one with your grandmother. What ever you chose, I don't think it will be weird, even if you want to skip it all together! You have to do whats right for you!

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I think that your FH and FMIL should still have their dance....but that doesn't mean that you have to dance with anyone in particular if you don't want to. I don't think it's weird just to have the FH/FMIL dance.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

being as i am sort of in your situation (my mom passed) i will say this: people should be EXTREMELY sensitive to the situation. If you think the son/mother dance will upset you, i think you should bring it up (without asking them not to do it). I think that might hit FMIL to realize how hard this is and maybe she'll give it up with out asking.

All I can say is, unfortunately in many cases i think you need to remind - but not play the sympathy card - your in-laws how difficult this is for you.

hopefully your inlaws are not like my FMIL. My father is convinced her heart is filled with ice cubes. FMIL had to be reminded - 3 times to my knowledge, but maybe more - how bittersweet this is.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I am the opposite my fiance's parents are deceased so I was going to have my mom dance with him and I still dance with my dad. it is not weird to have your FMIL dance I think those that you invited understand the situation. What you could do is have a special candle lighting at the reception and a special song played to remember them by something nice like that. Just an idea. .....

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

This is my situation.. my mom deceased and my FI mom is deceased. However, my sister is walking me down the aisle and I am going to have a dedication dance with my sister in remembrance of my mom (wind beneath my wings). My FI is skipping the mom/son dance. So you can skip your dance and have your FI dance with his mom if its not going to make you feel down.

Or you can do what my sister did and ahvve a dedication dance with your brother. She danced with our uncle to Wind Beneath My Wings and the Emcee mentioned that it was a dedication dance to our mom.

I know its sad planning a big event, its been an emotional roller coaster for me. Special events always bring up the memories.. just try to remember how happy they would want you to be!!

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

My father passed away a year and a half ago. I would never have FH not dance with his mother, because for me, I would feel selfish. They are very close, and i would want them to. I have other men in my family whom I am very close with, but almost feel guilty dancing with them in my fathers absence. So... I decided to choose a song that reminds me of my dad and I will dance with my FH in memory of my dad.

There is no wrong or right, it is what you find peace with. Good luck!!!

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I think there are 2 good options presented here by those brides who are in or were in the same boat..
dance with FFIL...
or
choose a meaningful song and dance with FH.
it all depends on how close you are to his father.

good luck with the decision...(i know it is really hard to do all this without one or two parent's support)

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

You need to discuss it with your FH. Only you two know what will work for you. My father has not been in the best of health and I asked my FH if my father passes away that we have no dances. He agreed.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I don't think it's wierd at all for your FH to dance the mother/son dance, and you not do a special dance, as long as you and FH are okay with it. In the end you are the only two that matter in the decision making process.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. While I haven't lost a parent I would consider one of three things:

1- Skip the dance all together. Those that know you (your guests) should be sensitive to your family situation

2- dance with your grandmother

3- dedicate a song to your parents and let the song stand alone. You don't have to do it during the 'parent' dancing songs...you could just throw it in as a slow song sometime during the reception.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

My dad is deceased. My mom and brother will walk me down the aisle and I will dance with my brother. We are close so it was no question. FI did not mind not dancing with FMIL because 1. he is not much for slow dancing & 2. he was married before so they are good with doing that once already as they are both not much for slow dancing! But I still think that I want to dance with my brother.

I like the idea of doing a dance with your FFIL, if you are close with him. I also do not think it will be strange just to let FH and FMIL dance. As long and your band/dj knows the situation, they will make the flow go and leave no awkward time in between.

How about your Godfather?

I'm sorry I do not have much advice to offer because my situation is unlike yours... but I hope you work things out!

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

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Posted by mtdr1106

i would probably do one of 2 things - either skip it al together (no i dont think it is weird just to do a mother/son and not a father/daughter) or it might be a nice touch to maybe do a fun dance with your FFIL. i wouldnt pick 'butterfly kisses' or 'daddy's little girl' - but maybe something more upbeat and fun like 'isnt she lovely'. (just throwing out an option)

good luck with your decision - i kow this must be tough.

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Thar sounds great!

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

Ive been to weddings where one of the parents of bride of groom has died and they just skipped that part of the dances so at least the other oculd have theirs.
All your guests know your situ and wont think its weird. They will be touched by the dance of your FH and his mom and you should def. do that for them.

Im so sorry for yuor losses.

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

i was thinking of just skipping the dances all together for us. i have my mom, but i dont want to dance with her (is that horrible?). my fmil might feel jipped, but we aren't doing a lot of the traditional stuff that requires a cleared dance floor (bo-k toos, garter toss, etc). its going to be hard for us to keep people on the dance floor bc we have a lot of other distractions (fish, monkeys, penguins...). we told her they can share a dance together, we just aren't announcing it or clearing the dance floor for it. fi doesn't care bc he hates dancing and having attention on him (i am lucky he will dance with me that night!). good luck with whatever you decide. its yours anf fi choice and no one elses! ~Lacey

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

Marceline,

My FH's mom passed away a couple of years ago and my parents have been divorced for ages. We opted to do the FIL/bride and FMIL/groom dance together. Maybe you can incorporate dancing with your FFIL while FH dances with his mom, Im sure that your FH would understand that. Either way, even if you decide not to dance with anyone, it will be fine not weird at all if just your FH dances with his mom. Hope all works out for you sweetie!

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

im really sorry about your situation- that must be really hard
if i were you just let fh dance with his mom- and forget the rest
people that know you, know this is sensitive, and no one will say anything. personally if i was a guest i wouldnt care at all and i wouldnt ask any questions. nowadays with all divorce and bad relationships people have with family members, it would not be strange at all.

if you really want to you can dance with a sibling? or your grandma ? othrwise skip it

Re: Kind of personal, but I need some advice...

I don't think it's weird. I would skip it all together and have your FMIL dance with her son. Most of the people there know your situation and will understand.