Bridesmaids from Hell

My wedding is coming up in September and maybe only 1 out of 5 girls have offered to help me with pretty much anything. And they have complained about everything! The dresses, where I got their dresses, the cost, the shoes, the invitations, each other, etc. I wish I never asked half of them. I`ve told them twice to go for their dress fittings, and to be honest, I hope they don`t. At this point, I don`t care if they show up on my wedding day or not. I was going to get them very sentimental gifts, of things I`ve collected over the years that I`ve known them, but I don`t want to waste my time on them and making the gifts. Please tell me I`m not the only bride out there with this problem!!???

Take a deep breath!

Don`t let the stress of the big day get in the way of friendships ... that can happen. Try to remember the reasons you initially asked them to be such a special part of the wedding. As for the dress fittings, our bridal shop (Bridal Suite of Bay Shore) says the girls should go for the first fitting 4-6 weeks before the wedding, so with a September wedding, you`re fine. I`m sure you`re not the only one having a tough time. We chose to keep the wedding party on the small side partly to avoid problems ... the bigger the party, the bigger chance for problems. We also wanted a very few select people to stand up for us .. but neither of us comes from big families either, so that helped too. Hang in there. Reconsider those special sentimental gifts. When the stress is over, you don`t want to regret not having done them.

Also remember this

I was lucky and didn't have any of those problems - but try and remember as brides we get very caught up in the whole wedding. Don't expect to much from your bridal party. Not everyone else is going to get as caught up as you and your immediate family. I did nothing but think about my day for 10 months straight - I'm sure your bridesmaids are excited and will come through for you in the end. Did you have your shower yet? That is probably the biggest job for them - don't let these outside factors play a role - you will regret it when it's over. I keep saying this in all of my posts - planning is one of the best parts and I feel bad for anyone who stresses through it b/c they will look back and say why did I get so stressed - I should of never let that bother me, I should of been enjoying myself during such a happy time in my LIFE!! Good Luck. Tara

Yes I can feel for you!

Although all are not bad, I did have 2 who were/are. One backed out, felt she was too old (39-the next oldest is 35 so that blows that idea away), felt the dresses would be too expensive (they came in at $125!!). I let her have her way, as long as she would be at the wedding-she would probably be worse in the party anyhow. The other girl who drives me crazy is Fi's sister. She had to sleep late and couldnt make it to the initial fitting (she actually lied to me why she couldnt go but it slipped out after the fact) so I had to go back with her after that (after another cancellation on her part) 2 weeks later only to hear her say she was in between 2 sizes and couldnt decide what size to get. That got solved (Fi yelled at her) and she has not helped with anything else. She had no part in the shower, actually she told my mom she would help and then told Fi she never said that (mom paid for the whole shower). I have to say I am glad she is not my MOH as horrible as that is. My MOH is the best. The other girls are great too but there will always be some in the mix. Just remember, I know how they bug you but realize we are all different. Fi's sis has never been married and has NO CLUE what this entails. (just wait I tell Fi hehe) Maybe the girls in your party dont know either. I never did. Just relax and dont let them get to you. Let them complain and laugh it off. ITS YOUR DAY!!! Not theirs. You have a certain style. Not their way. Good luck and hope this helped knowing others go through it too!

Bridesmaids from Hell( long)

Rosie B, I think that friends often forget that being asked to be a bridesmaid, also means helping out the bride. Bridesmaids often feel like they are there to just look pretty and be in a wedding. I'm lucky enough to have 5 wonderful bridesmaids help me all the time. my MOH and I are off on the same days, and she calls me and says 'whats next on the list for today!' all my girls have been very excited from the start, and when i picked out their dresses($108)they all liked it. But they even said they would wear garbage bags if I asked them to! The last people that should be stressing you out are your bridesmaids! they should be there for support. Try to tell them if they can't help you out and be cooperative, maybe its time they back out. Good luck, I hope you'll have a better outcome

Bridesmaids from Hell

Believe me, I can relate! All of my girls, including siblings, have been incommunicado lately. I know for a fact that my shower has not even started to be planned and no one is taking initiative. One of my girls actually said she would buy her shoes in September, which is when the wedding is! I''''m taking most of it in stride. I''''ve learned that you have to ASK for help. Each of them does what they can, like one helped with invitations and another with shoes, etc. But I think this is why I know so many people who don''''t even talk to their maid of honor after the wedding. Remember, nobody is going to feel the sense of urgency and importance of your wedding the way you do (including our fiances!), so try to remember that we are the ones getting married. If you ever need to vent, feel free to contact me.

Bridesmaids from Hell

I just want to thank you all for making me laugh in some of your responses. You have helped me more than my own 'friends'! I will remember that it is my day and if it comes out great, it will be because of my own doing. And if anyone wants to hear some funny stories about the b_tches, don`t hesitate to contact me!!

Bridesmaids from Hell

Sometimes, in the heat of planning, we tend to forget that others have things going on in their lives that are just as important to them as your wedding is to you. Right now your priority is you wedding, but that is very likely not their priority. You don`t want to loose friends because of wedding planning stress.

It`s hard to know what goes into planning a wedding when you have never done it yourself. Take that into account and you`ll save yourself the headache.

Just one more thing. Being a bridesmaid is a pretty big expense. Even though in comparison to the wedding, it`s a drop in the bucket. What seems reasonable to some, is a fortune to others. My cousin was a bridesmaid for her friend. She was unable to go to the bachelorette party because she couldn`t afford it. The shower had been so expensive (90 ppl at a restaurant) and the bride wanted the bridesmaids to rent a limo and take her bar hopping. My cousin felt awful, but it was either the limo or her rent.

Agree with KGB & Junebride

Believe it or not, weddings do sometimes change your relationship with your friends, especially if they are in your wedding party. You want them to be there for you, your idea of being there may not be theirs, you have your vision of what you want, it may or may not include considerations of their life separate of your wedding. They may have their own feelings (aka 'issues') about things that they are not expressing. And don`t forget that your friend from college who was always running late or a procrastinator is not going to change just because she is a bridesmaid. Granted, there are situations where someone is being unreasonably difficult but try to remember why you asked them to be in the wedding party. Obviously they are who your consider your dearest friends. If it`s helpful to vent here, great, but try not to let it consume you where you find yourself fueling your own fire of anger or resentment. That`s not helpful to you and your wedding - or the friendship. Hang in there, wedding planning can definitely be stressful in lots of ways.