Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower (UPDATE)

I've been asked to compile the guestlist for my Bridal Shower, and my mother bought up a great idea - which I think is okay, but MOH doesn't.

I'm a Founding Mother for a Sorority and I've only invited three sisters out of about fifty. One of which is in my Bridal Party, and the other two b/c I'm best friends with them.

The remaining sisters asked if they would be able to come to the Church, and of course I said - yes! They do understand (and have no hard feelings) why I cannot invite them to the wedding.

That being said, my mother asked if I wanted to invite some sorority sisters that I would have liked to invite to the wedding, but couldn't, to the Bridal Shower. It wouldn't be more than ten, but I see it as better than nothing right?

MOH thinks it's rude to bring a gift to the Bridal Shower, and not be invited to the wedding. I agree when it comes to "etiquette" it's not right, but the sorority sisters completely UNDERSTAND why they are not invited to the wedding.

I don't give a flying cat's eye about etiquette, so PLEASE do not ramble it back to me....just wondering whether or not it's a good idea.

I say yes, mom says yes, but MOH says no.
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UPDATE: I'm inviting them. They're younger girls, aren't into the whole etiquette wedding thing, and if they're offended that they're not invited to the wedding (even though they already know why they are not and that they aren't) they don't have to come!

Thanks Ladies for all your honest opinions!

Message edited 11/9/2005 12:22:30 PM.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I say invite them. they are your friends and want to celebrate with you in any and every way they can. they come come gift free for that matter, it's more just to be involved.

IF they are offended, then they just won't come. but more than likely, they will be touched. anyway, I am sure you are close enough to them that you can give whatever explanation may be necessary.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by JessicaM.

I say invite them. they are your friends and want to celebrate with you in any and every way they can. they come come gift free for that matter, it's more just to be involved.

IF they are offended, then they just won't come. but more than likely, they will be touched. anyway, I am sure you are close enough to them that you can give whatever explanation may be necessary.

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

Hmmm - if my math is right, your mom and you make 2/3 and that's a majority, so you win.

I too can give a flying fluff about etiquette. It it's something that is going to make your day more enjoyable and memorable for you than do it!

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I don't think you should invite them to the shower unless you explicitly tell them the situation. Otherwise they will be expecting a wedding invitation, and will be hurt when they don't recieve it.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by LaurenluvsTJ

I don't think you should invite them to the shower unless you explicitly tell them the situation. Otherwise they will be expecting a wedding invitation, and will be hurt when they don't recieve it.

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I say the more the merrier!! They already know that you can't swing having them all at the wedding, so I don't see the big deal. I think they will be honored to participate in your happiness one way or another.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by miss_qiana

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Posted by JessicaM.

I say invite them. they are your friends and want to celebrate with you in any and every way they can. they come come gift free for that matter, it's more just to be involved.

IF they are offended, then they just won't come. but more than likely, they will be touched. anyway, I am sure you are close enough to them that you can give whatever explanation may be necessary.

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I agree!

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I voted no. But, if you don't care about ettiquette...then do it. I would feel funny going to a bridal shower if I knew I wasn't invited to the wedding. JMO

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

If they are outright asking you to come and be apart of the wedding some way some how, I do not see why not.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

Christine,.. I know your going to hate me for this, but just my opinion, I dont think I would invite them... I was never invited to a shower that I wasnt invited to the wedding.. and everytime I did receive an invite to a shower.. I knew I was going to go to the wedding. But thats just MY opinion. Im not saying its WRONG.. BELIEVE ME!!! You never know who gets offended by things like this (you know the way some people are) but, I really dont know these girls, so I cant judge. I say trust your instinct.. If you feel that its the right thing to do, and you truly want them to be there for you, GO FOR IT. hey.. its better then not inviting them to celebrate with you at all.

I dont know.... maybe its just my family, and the way I was brought up to believe.. but I dont think my mom is going to invite anyone to the shower that she knows will not be at the wedding.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

You should definitely be able to invite them. It sounds like they understand why they aren't invited to the actual wedding reception and if they plan on coming to the church to see the wedding, why can't they come to the shower and celebrate with you then?

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

BUT...

If you can care less about etiquette.. then throw everything I said out the door.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

So I have to go with a no on this one.

It is kinds of rude to invites someone to a shower who isn't coming to the wedding reception. Just my opinion. I think the only real exception to this is office showers.

Sorry. :(

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I wouldn't do itl... BUT like somebody else mentioned above, if you dont care about the etiquette and they know where they stand then invite them...it'll probably make them feel a part of your celebration.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I was in a sorority in college and there a number of showers that people were invited to and not invited to the wedding.

I think it's ok since they know the situation.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I agree not to invite them. People might become bitter and feel like they were good enough to be invited to the shower but not to the wedding. If you are going to draw a line, I feel like it needs to be consistent throughout all of the festivities. It *****, I know.

Oops, It stinks, I know.

Message edited 11/9/2005 11:55:43 AM.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by ali120206

I was in a sorority in college and there a number of showers that people were invited to and not invited to the wedding.

I think it's ok since they know the situation.

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by smm2675

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by ChristineAE

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Posted by ali120206

I was in a sorority in college and there a number of showers that people were invited to and not invited to the wedding.

I think it's ok since they know the situation.

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Just the answer I was looking for.

These girls aren't even 21 years old yet - they're not into the whole "wedding etiquette" deal and just want to be a part of something, and wouldn't take offense.

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by stephanief

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Posted by smm2675

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

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I'm sorry but I agree with this.

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

I think you should do whatever you think is right for you and your sorority sisters.

I wasn't in a sorority, but in my big group of friends a few of us got or are getting married this year. My one friend didn't invite me to the wedding - and I was a little surprised. I understand that she probably had to cut corners somewhere, so it's not a big deal.

But....if I were invited to her bridal shower.... I would have been very insulted. Not sure if that is what you want to hear, but that's how I personally would feel.

I know that often brides give "lists" to their mom's for their bridal shower. But I did not. My mother invited who she wanted - and left off a lot of female guests that she wasn't close to because she didn't want to look like she was just asking for another gift for me. I am glad I didn't have to give her a list because it freed me from any worry or concern.

ETA: I know that you see it as "better than nothing" - but to me, I would feel like "i'm good enough for the shower, but not for the wedding"...Sorry!

Message edited 11/9/2005 12:05:40 PM.

Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

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Posted by malbert

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Posted by stephanief

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Posted by smm2675

i say no, and here is why - its proper ettitque to only invite guests to the shower that are also invited to the wedding.

plus, if they know about your shower thye may chip in on a gift for you and either send it to your house or to the shower with another sister.

its a tricky situation, but in the end i would not invite them.

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I'm sorry but I agree with this.

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I don't think you should invite them... sorry - jmho. i guess i feel like it obligates them to get you a gift. And - they shouldn't have to spend what someone getting an invite would, but they might feel like their gift has to be on part with other guests. attending the church is perfect. it allows them to be a part of it, but doesn't obligate them to spend $...

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Re: Need Your Opinions...Re: Bridal Shower

May I also add - how many times are there showers at work for people? I know I always go and bring a gift and don't expect to be invited to anyone's wedding.

I know it's different, but if these girls get the situation then I say go for it Chris.