How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

I have this good friend who lives in California whom, the minute I got engaged was passing hints about being a bridesmaid. The truth of the matter is, we are looking at 4 bridesmaids: my sis, my best friend, my fsil, and a great friend from college (I was in her wedding too). If I were looking to include 5 bridesmaids, I would include her in the party. But the truth is, we're probably just going to keep it to 4.

So every so often I get this Instant Message from her about being a bridesmaid and I kinda just laugh it off. Today I get this IM:

HER: so this morning, i was on hold with the bank, and i started meandering through (eh-hem hint) bridesmaid dresses online. you know, just cuz theyre pretty...
HER: but whomever theyre on, who says they cant be pretty? :)

I haven't responded yet because I truly don't know what to say. It is putting me in a very awkward position and I know she is just being funny but at the same time, annoying. Any advice on how to handle this???

TIA!

Re: How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

you definitely need to tell her that your bp is chosen already. she has no right to put you in that position.

just tell her that you are keeping the bp small and hopes that she'll understand. can she do a reading maybe?

and ps - i don't think you owe her an explanation. tell her its your wedding and you are only having 4 bm's.

Re: How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

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Posted by smm2675

you definitely need to tell her that your bp is chosen already. she has no right to put you in that position.

just tell her that you are keeping the bp small and hopes that she'll understand. can she do a reading maybe?

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I was going to suggest the same thing.

Re: How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

Yeah, You definately need to tell her. What shes doing is rude.. Wow.. Just tell her that your bridal party is complete.. You didnt want a huge BP.

Re: How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

I think you need to nip this right away!!! sounds like she is only going to continue...which will make it harder for her to except when she learns the truth....

i would im her back saying somehting like..i didn't want to do this via email..however i wanted you to know FH and I, have decided to have a very small bridal party...and i wanted you to know if we would have had a larger one i would have certainly had you in it..however this is the decision we made....

side note...is there anything else you can do to include her..do you even want to??? ex. could be a reading (if in a church), or you can have her hand out the programs..etc...

good luck..i know it is awkward..but it sounds like the longer you wait...the more time for dissapointed feelings to develop.

Re: How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

I'm sure she doesn't even realize that she's being annoying or putting you in an awkward position. Just calmly explain to her that you're only having 4 BMs and that you weren't planning on including her in your BP.

You can mention that being a BM coming from CA would be awfully difficult for everyone involved, not to mention the other reasons! You said she's a good friend so let her down gently and try to be as nice as possible about it, you don't want to hurt her feelings.

Good luck!!!

Re: How to handle a sticky bridesmaids situation with a good friend - advice please!!

Thanks everyone, it's good to know that I wasn't the only one taking it as a little rude. But like you said, she doesn't even know she's doing it. Ugh...I hate confrontation with stuff like this. But your right, I do have to do it sooner rather than later!