FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT UPDATE AT END OF THREAD

He keeps changing his mind about everything!!! First he gets pissed that I want to be the only bride at reception location. So, I agree to go look at places that host more than one wedding at a time. He LOVES the place his cousin got married. I totally hate it. Rather than putting down his cousin's taste, I tell him I really can't live with bridal suites next to one another. (BTW - one of the women I work with said to me when I told her I looked at said location stated 'OMG don't have wedding there. I went to wedding there and it was horrible. I have since found out, said 'horrible' wedding was his cousin's). I find out a MONTH later, he is totally bent I rejected location, and that is the reason he is no longer voicing his opinion (as in because it doesn't matter what he says I'm going to do what I want anyway). I remind him, I negotiated my *** off to get something he wanted at reception that I did not want.

We look at photographers. He likes very first one we meet. Too much of a gumba for me, but I figure I can deal. He gets slightly annoyed, (but accepts I don't want to book very first photographer I meet) but then said photographer doesn't call us after we visit him a second time with additional questions. Rejects second photographer b/c we only met with sales person, not actual photographer. Rejects third photographer b/c he doesn't do packages. I really really really loved that photographer. Now I am setting up more appointments.

He totally wants Humphrey Bogart Casablanca white dinner jacket instead of black tux. Great, wonderful, he will look amazing. But this means evening wedding. Then he finds out pure white only comes in polyester (this would be AFTER we book hall), so now he refuses to wear it.

I have friend who owns house on water. He offers to host wedding ceremony. FH thinks this is great idea for about a week, then outright rejects it (no really good reason, just plain old rejected it).

Now, b/c all photographers we have met with are saying there are problems shooting evening weddings, he wants to have afternoon ceremony. (Umm, excuse me, but we heard this at bridal showcase BEFORE we booked hall!) But where on earth are we now going to hold said ceremony???? Neither one of us belongs to a church, and the reception site can only do ceremony at time we have previously agreed to. I remind him of friend. He says it's 'too much of a hassle'. If I am making all phone calls to price chairs, tents etc - how on earth is this too much of a hassle?????? So I tell him, it will be a hassle no matter what, and that at least at friend's house we are not paying a fee (like we would be at Unitarian Church, or public park). Not good enough. He just doesn't see how it will work!! I remind him, we would be 4th wedding to be hosted at said friend's house, and if it worked 3 times before, it can work now. He doesn't even want to look at pics of the way other weddings were set up!!

He is really making me crazy!! I am NOT taking him with me to see florists.

Vent over. Thanks for listening/reading.

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

I am really sorry you are dealing with this!!! Kind of makes me happy that FH and I have been in complete agreement about all of our vendors so far with the exception of maybe the officiant, since FH felt like we needed to get married by a guy!!

FH and I have had the same arguments, except we're both indecisive. But it's been mainly about small stuff, although we did struggle with the photographer too.

Ask him what aspects of the wedding he really cares about and which ones he doesn't. The ones he doesn't handle and book them yourself. This way when the wedding day comes, if anyone has anything to say about it, (including FH) you can say, well you didn't offer your input!!

On the other hand you can let him know you value his opinion because it's a wedding for both of you. But if he keeps changing his mind, you will end up at city hall or vegas!!

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

6 minutes...

I am sorry that you are dealing with FH being indecisive. Luckily FH has only been adament about certain things, but things that I want his opinion on.

I have to agree with BktoLI-see what he really cares about-you do the rest-and tell him he needs to compromise with you on these things. It makes planning so much harder if you are on two different sides of the spectrum.

I wish that FH had sooo much to say about our wedding-he says 'whatever makes you happy' and that is it-which doesnt help...Im going to put him in a baby blue tuxedo with a ruffled shirt!!!

Have you compared all the same vendors with him? Maybe if you sit down and compare their work to their price you might be able to come to a medium...HTH

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

oh, that's so frustrating. i'm sorry.

i'm dealing with fi who claims he doesn't have any interest in being involved in wedding planning. yet once i make up my mind about something he's all about his opinion. there are times i think they are in our lives to drive us crazy.

hang in!

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

Very frustrating and it sounds like you are doing all the work. He needs to step up or keep his mouth shut.

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

Oh honey you def. have your hands full sorry that your going through so much

Maybe you need to tell him how all the back and forth is making you crazing because your doing most of the work by your self and you dont mine and are happy that he is into the wedding ......but he needs to do more then just change his mind ........

and prehaps you need to take a little bit of time off just to clear your head

good luck I am sure that it will all work out

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

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Posted by Blu-ize

Very frustrating and it sounds like you are doing all the work. He needs to step up or keep his mouth shut.

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AMEN!!! I couldn't agree more. Maybe if he had to do all the work you were doing, he would be alittle more open to suggestion. I say pass the buck for awhile. Let him make the phone calls to find a place to hold your ceremony. Bring those options back to you and then go over them together. You know, sometimes a picture is worth a THOUSAND words.

Hang in there and vent all you want!

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

This is just my opinion (have to clarify it these days before people allow $hit to hit the fan) -

What you're going through with your FH is definitely common - a lot of couples go through it. It's a difference of wants/needs/tasets, etc.

However, both of you need to be on the same page with everything before booking anything. You might have your heart set on something but your FI might not. You have to keep looking until the both of you are happy, and learn to compromise.

If it was me (which it's not) I would move on about the friend's house for the ceremony b/c your FI has stated more than once already that he doesn't want to have it there.

Let the dog lay where it is, and find the leash (ie: if it's already a 'no' - move on and find something else)

There are many locations that don't have fees and have low fees at that. Keep looking until it's something the BOTH of you can agree on.

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

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Posted by BKtoLI


Ask him what aspects of the wedding he really cares about and which ones he doesn't.

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I have asked. In his opinion, the ceremony is the only important part. Everything else is in the back seat. When I ask him to prioritize everything else, he says he can't because it is all just in the back seat. After much pushing and prodding, he put the DJ as last, yes last on the list because he doesn't dance.

If the ceremony is the most important part why aren't we eloping????

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

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Posted by Jennie0898

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Posted by Blu-ize

Very frustrating and it sounds like you are doing all the work. He needs to step up or keep his mouth shut.

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AMEN!!! I couldn't agree more. Maybe if he had to do all the work you were doing, he would be alittle more open to suggestion. I say pass the buck for awhile. Let him make the phone calls to find a place to hold your ceremony. Bring those options back to you and then go over them together. You know, sometimes a picture is worth a THOUSAND words.

Hang in there and vent all you want!

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You know girls, that is a great idea. He doesn't want to do the ceremony at East Wind, or at friend's house, he should be the one to find another location and figure out all the logistics. Perfect!

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT

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Posted by ChristineAE

This is just my opinion (have to clarify it these days before people allow $hit to hit the fan) -

What you're going through with your FH is definitely common - a lot of couples go through it. It's a difference of wants/needs/tasets, etc.

However, both of you need to be on the same page with everything before booking anything. You might have your heart set on something but your FI might not. You have to keep looking until the both of you are happy, and learn to compromise.

If it was me (which it's not) I would move on about the friend's house for the ceremony b/c your FI has stated more than once already that he doesn't want to have it there.

Let the dog lay where it is, and find the leash (ie: if it's already a 'no' - move on and find something else)

There are many locations that don't have fees and have low fees at that. Keep looking until it's something the BOTH of you can agree on.

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Christine - I am sooo sorry about what happened with the 'board war'. I am generally mellow however, and when I vent or ask for an opinion anyone who isn't honest is just wasting their time and mind (MHO).

Your advice to let it drop is sage. If the friend's house wasn't so totally beautiful I would drop it in a heartbeat. (it is right on the water, complete with a set of gardens that have been photographed and featured in Newsday, with a gazebo and photo ops to die for). For now I think I will let him find another spot, and if he comes up with nothing, I will revisit the issue. My only concern is that he gets frustrated easily and then throws his hands up and wants to settle. I, on the other hand, think all the effort now will be worth it then, even when those 'little things' go wrong (as I know they will the day of).

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT UPDATE AT Bottom

Thanks to everyone for their suggestions, comments, observations etc.

I decided the best thing was to just tell him this constant mind changing thing is driving me nuts! I had to just laugh at his immediate response, b/c it is sooooo him. He said there was a logical reason for each change. (Calling Mr. Spock! ) We then had complete discussion on the ceremony location. I told him I am 100% behind him changing time to afternoon, but he needed to investigate locations and after finding what he liked I would go look, the way we did with catering hall (only in reverse, I looked then took him to what I liked). That got him back on the bandwagon with friend's house on water. He wants me to finish investigating logistics etc, and if it totally doesn't work, then he will do research for alternatives.

Thanks again girls!!!

Re: FH is Starting to Drive Me Crazy - VENT UPDATE AT END OF THREAD

I'm glad you approached him with your concern - that's always the best thing to do instead of arguing back and forth.

Hopefully this will get his 'booty' in motion and you'll have answers pronto.

The one thing I suggest (of course it's only a suggestion) is to give him a deadline as to when you want to have the ceremony 'booked' per se.

Once the ceremony is booked, other vendors and items will start falling into place for you.

Good Luck and please keep us posted.

p.s. HAPPY BIRTHDAY