Friend has a very serious problem

I just found out that my best friend has an eating disorder and I am so scared for her. I don't know how to help her without losing her as a friend. She tells me everything. She has has pretty bad depression and some horrible thoughts in the past, all of which have gotten alot better and I was there with her for all of it. She seems happy now, or so I thought. I wanted to make sure that she really is feeling better and went on to a website that she posts on. That is when I saw tons of posts regarding this eating disorder that she says she has hidden for years. She has bad intestinal problems all of which make sense now. I am so scared and don't know what to do. Please somebody help me help her.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

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Posted by FutureMrs

I just found out that my best friend has an eating disorder and I am so scared for her. I don't know how to help her without losing her as a friend. She tells me everything. She has has pretty bad depression and some horrible thoughts in the past, all of which have gotten alot better and I was there with her for all of it. She seems happy now, or so I thought. I wanted to make sure that she really is feeling better and went on to a website that she posts on. That is when I saw tons of posts regarding this eating disorder that she says she has hidden for years. She has bad intestinal problems all of which make sense now. I am so scared and don't know what to do. Please somebody help me help her.

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I think the best way to be a friend to her is to talk to her about it - be honest that you found the postings and try to convince her get her some help. If she won't, I would contact someone on how to get her some help - maybe talk to her family before something serious happens to her.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

I went to boarding school in high school and my roommate was anorexic. Thing is, they have to WANT to get help. If not, she will just eat in front of people, and then become bulemic, or take laxatives to a dangerous extent as one of my college roomies do. But I think eating disorders happen in people who need to control one aspect of their lives, who feel like everything else is getting out of control. I think couseling and therapy can help. If you can convince her to go, it's a start.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

eating disorders most often have alot to do with lack of control over life..I suggest you talk with her and refer her to a goood counselor..Im sorry you friend is having such a bad time..I hope she willbe ok.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

This is not something you can do alone, she needs professional help.

Good luck!

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

The best thing you can do is be there for her...and do not ever stop. She needs professional help, and she has to want it in order for it to be successful. However, by showing that you will always be by her side, you are doing one of the best things you can for her.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

Let her know that you read her posts and know about the eating disorder, and offer her unconditional support. She's not going to voluntarily get help until she's ready, but you may have to talk to her family or others close to her before her health deteriorates.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

I would talk to her, but as someone else already posted...she needs to want to get help. The only thing you can really do for her is to be there for her when she needs you. I have a coworker who is an admitted anorexic (that's the one where you don't eat right?). Recently she has begun to emit this foul odor. We think her body is starting to break down, but she is a woman in her 50s and nobody can force her to do anything. You just have to be there for her.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

you need to talk to her about it. address it. she may not realize what a problem it truly is.
i had an eating disorder around the time of 2001 it started and i didnt even realize how bad it really was. One day i said something like 'i think im gonna give up meat' and then my friend said something like 'oh great, one less thing for you to eat' then she looked at me and told me i was getting too skinny.... it was around the time i started to date DH and its really hard to see. You need to hear it from the people closest to you. Like one day dh (then bf) came up to me and was like 'Jes, listen, sometimes being too skinny, isn't pretty'.... tehn another day my mom found my 'food diary'.... and went off. (which is so stupid b/c she was the one cooking for me and knew i wasnt even eating anything! but anyway, that was another reinforcement.

she may not even think of it as a problem. i didnt until people kept saying stuff to me. if they hadnt who knows how far it couldve gotten.
you can FM me if you need to.

Re: Friend has a very serious problem

Thank you so much for all your posts. I emailed a treatment center this morning to ask them how to go about talking to her about this. I know I can't just sit and watch her slowly kill herself. Even if I lose her friendship its a risk worth taking if she can get help.