Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

FH and I just had a huge fight over LAUNDRY. It was such a heated fight that it really got us thinking about our wedding. I thought I knew him very well, but dating and actually living with someone are two very different things. I mean it started out over something so insignificant and has escalated into us actually rethinking the vows we are about to take. It all started when friday after work I decided to go over to our apartment and hang out for a while (I haven't moved in yet.) I offered to do his laundry but didn't because I couldn't find the laundromats around our complex. I drove around twice and could not find them. Well to make a long story short this has been bothering him since friday, he's been treating me differently and on top of all of that he continued to lie to me and tell me nothing was wrong when I would ask him.

I did a lot of crying and he did a lot of yelling. He showed me a side of him I've never really seen before. I kind of wish I would've lived with him before planning the wedding so that we would have been able to work through these issues sooner. Now its too late. I have no idea what is going to happen next, but we both agreed we needed sometime. So he said he will call me when he is ready to talk. It could be later tonight or tomorrow or knowing him maybe even next week. This SUCKS!!!

Thanks ladies for allowing me to share my problem and sorry it is so long.

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

So sorry you are going through this! What they say is true, you can be together forever but you don't get to know your true personalities until you live together. Everyone goes through problems at first, it's normal, it's part of getting used to each other. There will be many more 'discussions' about everything from laundry, to chores, to food shopping, to finances, to going out, etc. Since this is the first time this happened it is understable that you got so upset and so did he...just know that things will arise, he will not always be forthcoming about his true feelings because he may want to avoid an argument or think that it'll upset you or because he's a guy. Some time is good, to think and breathe, but don't lose sight of why you are together in the first place, why you want to get married. I know you two will find a way to express how you feel without screaming, it takes time but it's not impossible.

We're here for you!

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

sorry you went through this - you have FM
hope i got what the 's' stand for right

please forgive me if i didnt

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

I'm so sorry It is really tough to live with someone, and get to know their routines and expectations.

I have been living with FH for 6 months now, and we have had many many fights, about laudry, cooking, cleaning, the dish washer, you name it we fought. But what is important in the end is that you talk it out. I know now that seems hard because you are both so angry, but when you both calm down you will be able to see things clearer.

We are all here for you. At this time try to think of all the reasons you do love him

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

I am so sorry! I actually went through something so similar with my FH! I hadn't learned until too late that he was afraid of the hamper. We have a huge hamper affixed to the wall in our bathroom and when I thought I would conserve space and put his clothes in the hamper all hell broke loose.

Just try to maintain perspective. Times are hard and stressful right now with the wedding coming up! Hey they say the wedding is the hardest time you will ever have and that is the only way I am keeping my sainity!

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

I'm so sorry about your fight! I'm sure you're not feeling so great about this right now. Like all of us, sounds like you had an argument that started over something really stupid and really escalated. usually, it's about something totaly different, but that's just when it happens to come out. I'm sure there's lots of 'nerves' etc with the wedding so close. I'm sure in the end it's a good thing to get through something like this now rather than later....

Big hugs! Hope you're OK!

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

It's normal to fight over these types of things. In fact, many of my friends who never lived w/ their fh before they were married told me that the first year of marriage was the hardest. So hang in there, you two love each other & will adjust to each other's habits. This should not ruin what you have built over time. Feel better.

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

i agree with the girls!! you guys just have to get used to living together. maybe all this time spent together just means you need time apart now that you're constantly together...good luck

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

So sorry you guys are having a bad fight!
My FH and I have been living together for 3 years now and I remember the first year fights so well!! Its harder with wedding planning I would think. But so you know socks, dishes, crushing milk containers, how we sleep..... and much much more started some winners. It sounds really stupid after but part is tension and part is not knowing how to express differences and bottling it up till someone blows. It does get better!!!! I called it the adjustment period. We are now in the fine tuning stage!

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

Thanks ladies for all of the wonderful advice and support. I feel much, much better now.

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

aww. living together is a whole new world.. . It takes awhile to adjust but you will. good luck!

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

I agree Lori. Living with your mate is a whole different ball game. But.. this is normal to fight about little things sometimes. It may even be due to wedding stress. I'm sure he'll call you soon to talk about things. You both may be a little strressed with planning, life, new apartment, etc... Good luck with everything. Sorry to hear that you're going through this.

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

I realized something you had written after i wrote my first response. when you live together there really isnt that let's take time.. Your in it together, there is no day/week break and that is something you have to really learn to deal with. its learning this it your in it for the long haul. not everyday is fun.

communication is key. Remember there is no going home. home is together now. :)

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

Living together is, in itself, an entire adjustment. Although you may be correct in thinking that you guys should have lived together before the wedding to work out these issues, the fact is that you didn't and now you have to work with the hand you're dealt. Do not throw your relationship away over one fight. Sit down and talk about why something like laundry got you both so upset and work from there. You'll figure it out!! Please keep us posted - I'll be thinking of you.

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

YOur relationship has to be able to weather storms.. It takes adjustment , compromising, communication, love , etc to build that foundation. You have to go thru such things.. Make sure u express that to him..

I hope things work out.. Keep us posted!

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

Im so sorry!
I honestly think that people should live togeather before they get married. A relationship is so different when you are living togeather than seperate. It takes lots of compromising and communication. Good luck

Re: Just had a fight with FH.....(my first vent session)

Sorry honey you had the tiff. I bet when it was all said and done, more came out than just about the laundry. It's a good time to talk about not just how the fight got started, but what the underlying issues may have been. It's actually a great opportunity to take your relationship to a deeper level.

All the best!