am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...) - UPDATE!

hi girls,

need to vent and please let me know if i am wrong... i have 1 MOH, 1 bridesmaid, very good friends of mine.

since my wedding preparation, the only things i've asked them to help me out is to pick their dresses, and help me with my gown. everything else i'm taking care of.

in my culture, i am paying for all BM expenses - dresses, shoes, makeup, hair, etc. etc.. i have given them the liberty of pretty much picking any colors/styles as i don't have a color scheme for my wedding. they picked a vera wang dress, $300 each. i said it's a little pricey and asked them to keep it to $250 (before tax) each. and one of the BM's mom is going to help them with it as she knows a really good tailor.

so i asked them if her mom can help me with my evening gown (i'll change into an evening gown), too. no reply.

so i asked them to go to rk bridal with me - one was busy, and the other one is reluctant to go (and ended up not going) because it's not high-end.

so i sent them pictures of the dresses that i tried on and liked. their respones were,'nice, but there's nothing special about the gown.' which actually are true comments. but i told them i have a limited budget to work with. and all the gowns they have pointed out to me are way over my budget.

now, i'm getting upset, because i feel like all they care about is how THEY are going to look. i want them to look good, too. and i have no problem with that. but... aren't they supposed to help me out, too?????? how are they helping by just telling me the cheaper gowns are not nice, and not going gown shopping with me.

have i turned into a bridezilla???? what should i do????


ETA: so i emailed the girls and told them how i felt, and they immediately apologized and said they simply didn't realize how stressed i was. and we're going gown shopping tonight!!!! and to prove their dedication, they said they won't talk about their dresses or anything until mine is taken care of!

MANY MANY THANKS to you girls for being soooo supportive!!!!!

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

I don't think you are a bridezilla. They should be grateful that you are paying for their attire since I know that is not the norm. I truly hope they change their ways and Appreciate how good of a friend you are.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

Ah, you poor thing. I don't think you are bridzilla at all. They aren't being very nice to you! There are plenty of dresses that are beautiful and don't cost a fortune! Post it and we will let you know what we think! I'm sure that would make you feel better.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

wow... that's very generous of you!

Maybe, as a compromise if they're really set on the other dress, you can pay for $250 of it, and they can pay the rest?

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

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Posted by DebsNY

wow... that's very generous of you!

Maybe, as a compromise if they're really set on the other dress, you can pay for $250 of it, and they can pay the rest?

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Exactly what I was thinking. If they are so worried about 'slumming it' if they don't have the Vera Wangs, then tell them you will give them $250 and they can cover the rest. Otherwise, onward with the dress hunt.

You are by NO MEANS being even remotely a bridezilla. They're being BRIDEMAIDZILLAS!

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

thanks, girls!!

the BM dresses are taken care of. my BM's mom knows this really good tailor, and she's going to have the dresses tailor made, $250 all inclusive. so i don't have to worry about that part anymore.

but i guess i'm upset that they are not helping me with my gown...

yes yes, i think i'm going to just post the dresses on here and get opinions!!

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by DebsNY

wow... that's very generous of you!

Maybe, as a compromise if they're really set on the other dress, you can pay for $250 of it, and they can pay the rest?

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Exactly what I was thinking. If they are so worried about 'slumming it' if they don't have the Vera Wangs, then tell them you will give them $250 and they can cover the rest. Otherwise, onward with the dress hunt.

You are by NO MEANS being even remotely a bridezilla. They're being BRIDEMAIDZILLAS!

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Excellent advice from both girls! I think you are being very generous and they are being ungrateful!!! Offer the $250 and if they don't like it, then I'd say they aren't true friends.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

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Posted by AnniesSS

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by DebsNY

wow... that's very generous of you!

Maybe, as a compromise if they're really set on the other dress, you can pay for $250 of it, and they can pay the rest?

---

Exactly what I was thinking. If they are so worried about 'slumming it' if they don't have the Vera Wangs, then tell them you will give them $250 and they can cover the rest. Otherwise, onward with the dress hunt.

You are by NO MEANS being even remotely a bridezilla. They're being BRIDEMAIDZILLAS!

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Excellent advice from both girls! I think you are being very generous and they are being ungrateful!!! Offer the $250 and if they don't like it, then I'd say they aren't true friends.

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I agree with all the other girls!! You are not a bridezilla at all. I think they are being very ungrateful!!! Most bms would be jumping up and down thanking you for paying for their dresses let alone $250 ones!!

I would give them an option. You give them the $250 and they put in the rest or they just pick a dress thats $250 or less.
What about a vera sample sale?? Or having a seamstress make custom dresses that look similar to the vera??

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

You are far from a bridezilla...and more than generous for offering to foot the bill for everything...

your bridesmaid need to be made aware that not everything needs to be high end and expensive for it to be beautiful. I would let them know how ungrateful they are being ...they need to be made aware that this is your day...not theirs...

I also agree that you should give them the $250...if they find dresses more than that let them make up the difference...

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by DebsNY

wow... that's very generous of you!

Maybe, as a compromise if they're really set on the other dress, you can pay for $250 of it, and they can pay the rest?

---

Exactly what I was thinking. If they are so worried about 'slumming it' if they don't have the Vera Wangs, then tell them you will give them $250 and they can cover the rest. Otherwise, onward with the dress hunt.

You are by NO MEANS being even remotely a bridezilla. They're being BRIDEMAIDZILLAS!

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BRIDESMAIDZILLAS ALLLLLLLLLL THE WAY.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

Just remember who is getting married here..........YOU! Its not about them! And they need to get off the idea that it is!

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

Can you get your mom or grandmother or aunt or cousins to help with your gown?? I didn't have input from my BM's on that one - it was all me and my mom.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

mom is not in town, maternal grandma passed away, paternal grandma overseas.

cousins are all quite a bit younger than me. i can ask other friends to come with me. but i'm just frustrated that the girls i've picked to be my BM aren't helping....

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

I agree - give them the $250. Tell them to go together & get the dresses that they like. You are being more than generous. Most bridesmaids have little say in what they wear- but they have to spend the money anyway. If they want to be snobs about the brand, let them get a 'high-end' dress that they will wear once...just have them pay the difference.

GOOD LUCK- definitely too generous to be a bridezilla. :)

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

sounds to me like they're trying to take advantage of the situation so NO - I don't think you're being a bridezilla. i think they're being bridemaidzillas!!!!!!!

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

So sorry that you have to deal with this....You are not a bridezilla by any means in my opinion... Again, just because something costs alot does not make it 'better' than something that doesn't....You are very generous paying for their dresses and they should feel honored that you chose them to be in your wedding party....You are the bride and it is your wedding so do what you want and not what other people 'think' you should do...

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

Ask another friend to go with you that is interested and will be helpful. I am not someone who does not love being a bridesmaid, but would definitely go with someone to dress shop if she asked me, because that's what you do for your friends. I would not be offended at not being asked to be a BM, I would much rather be a guest.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

i dont think so

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

You have done nothing wrong! Your 'friends' are being real b!tches and I'm sorry you're dealing with this. I understand that it's your culture to pay for your BMs attire, but did they think for one second that if you weren't responsible for what they're wearing that you would have about $800 more for you gown budget?
If I were you I would write them an email letting them know how hurtful their behavior is. Let them know that you chose them to be a part of your wedding because you cisider them to be your closest friends, but you don't think they're acting much like friends right now. I wouldn't hold your feelings inside because they will just gorw into resentment. And I speak from experience on that one.

Re: am i a bridezilla?? (LONG.. sorry...)

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Posted by nylibride

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Posted by DebsNY

wow... that's very generous of you!

Maybe, as a compromise if they're really set on the other dress, you can pay for $250 of it, and they can pay the rest?

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Exactly what I was thinking. If they are so worried about 'slumming it' if they don't have the Vera Wangs, then tell them you will give them $250 and they can cover the rest. Otherwise, onward with the dress hunt.

You are by NO MEANS being even remotely a bridezilla. They're being BRIDEMAIDZILLAS!

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You took the words right outta my mouth.