NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

FH would like me to write a letter to his mother. He said he will do the same. The purpose of the letter is to explain how hurt we are by her actions and drive home what she is losing. Now, I have to admit, I have written some thoughts down...it has a very thereputic benefit. However, FH wants me to actually send this to her to read. This I am not so sure about. I don't want to make a bad situation worse, but on the otherhand, she is not one that can be spoken to and I do want her to understand that her actions have weight and consequence. She is losing out on a daughter, her son, and any children that come along. She has not expressed thus far any concern or care of how her actions have effected us. I am going to write the letter. But should I send it?

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Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

I agree with Suven, definitely not. Do not get involved with the Mother. This is between her and her son. I am not sure what happened but I hope you are able to work through this. Life is too short.

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

IMHO, no. I know how great it feels to write a letter and get things off your chest when you can't otherwise express your feelings, but I think you could really probably do too much damage with that if you mailed it. I think your best bet is to really try to talk to her - with FH or leave it alone. Maybe FH would have a better chance, I don't think it's fair that you have to be the one to write it.

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

Well he would write a seperate one expressing his feelings.

The thing is, it is directly effecting me. She is the one who started verbally attacking me and she is the one who keyed my car. She is obviously not rational.

I just don't want to make things worse then they already are. There is something cleansing about writing your thoughts out. Should I just wait and hope that in time she will realize what she's done?

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

I agree with all of the above posters...write the letter and write your heart out, but do not send it! Doing so will hurt any future chance of a reconciliation. Let FH deal with it, if you guys want take some time away and distance yourselves, but don't send the letter. Having something like that in her hands can be used against you for years to come. And if she is irrational like you said (wow, she really keyed your car?) then nothing will work, at least not coming from you, so the letter will be in vain and will probably just add more fuel to the fire. JMO.

I wish you the best!

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

If his mother is as irrational as she sounds, sending her a letter WILL NOT help the situation. She will probably turn it around and try to make you sound like the bad guy.

No matter what you do, it will never be enough for her. You're better off ignoring her. Don't give her any amunition to use against you in the future.

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

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Posted by SomethingBlu

Having something like that in her hands can be used against you for years to come. And if she is irrational like you said (wow, she really keyed your car?) then nothing will work, at least not coming from you, so the letter will be in vain and will probably just add more fuel to the fire.

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I agree - Don't send it! I've had a very similar experience with my step-mother, and I've learned (the hard way), to let my dad deal with her. In your case, let your FH deal with her. A formal letter could be her ammunition in future issues.

Good luck!

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

To start,

Next, write the letter but please do not send it. Please let FH deal with his mother. Whether he wants to or not, that is his Mom to deal with ~ it will only make your situation worse. Especially since she is so irrational, it won't do any good.

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

I think you and FH should write the letter together so both of your feelings and opinions are in there but it should come from your FH.

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

I would not send the letter. When I had MAJOR issues with my MIL it wasn't until DH spoke to her about it and told her that their are consequences to her actions and this will happen. She was not going to listen to me, she was only going to listen to her son. They are still blood and IMO it should be handled within blood.

Good luck

Re: NWR-Okay, I need all the ladies opinion on this...

IMO...this is for your FH to deal with not you...I think you would be making hte situation worse