Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church - UPDATED...we met with him!!

Just need some advice...

FH and I are not very religious nor do we EVER go to Church but we still both want to get married in a Catholic Church. I have not booked the ceremony yet and I just called and they took my name and said the priest will call me back. I want to get married in a church that isn't my parish (it used to be before another church was built and they changed our parish). I really want to get married in this church...I was baptized there, my mom was baptized and my parents were married there, and my grandmother was married there.

What do I do if he asks how often FH and I attend mass?? Do they ask that when you arrange the ceremony?? Do I LIE TO A PRIEST and say we're regulars or do I tell the truth and risk him telling me there is no way we can get married there?

I know I am not the only Catholic who doesn't go to Church and I am sure plenty more before me have gotten married but thinking about this conversation is making me a little nervous.

Anyone have suggestions/input??

TIA!

Message edited 10/11/2004 3:51:14 PM.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

I wouldn't lie to the priest. The priest will probably want to meet with the two of you in person to have an interview. My priest requested baptisimal certificates so I'm not sure how it works when you're not a practicing Catholic.

Hopefully other girls will be able to help you.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Well, how much do you really want to get married there? I'm a firm believer in telling the truth because if you lie, there will always be an elephant in the room with you. Hence, I am not getting married in a Catholic church. Anyway, if you're willing to begin going (and I mean, like every week), I'd tell the priest that you haven't been going often but would ike to get back into it, etc. Much better chance than "Nope, don't go regularly. Nope, that won't change either."

Good luck!

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

They did not ask us anything like that when I called. Neither did the priest when we met with him. I doubt they would ask you that.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

They didn't ask us either. Although the priest that we spoke to when we booked just asked if this was our parrish. And since it's mine I said yes. No questions about church frequency or anything.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Hmm, I figured I would get at least one response telling me that it would be easier to go than to lie (something I already knew!)

I don't feel comfortable lying either and I really wasn't sure how other people handled this situation.

I guess I will wiat and feel him out when he calls...if he doesn't ask of seems non-chalant than I won't bring it up and if he sounds very rigid and by the book than I guess FH and I will have a standing appt every Sunday for a while!

Thanks!

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

We lied. When he asked our addresses, I said we lived separately which isnt true. But when he asked how often we went to mass, we were honest and said never. So he suggested a ceremony at the church, not a mass.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

We didn't lie when our priest asked us if we regularly attend. We don't, and we were still able to get married there. I think you'll be fine.

Good luck w/ the meeting...I know how stressful it can be!

Message edited 11/4/2004 7:39:24 PM.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by diamondgrlie

We lied. When he asked our addresses, I said we lived separately which isnt true. But when he asked how often we went to mass, we were honest and said never. So he suggested a ceremony at the church, not a mass.

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Message edited 9/27/2004 2:40:38 PM.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

When our preist asked us how often we attend we were honest- we said 3-4 times a year which includes Christmas,Easter and any weddings or baptisms. He said to try and attend more regularly.

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Message edited 11/4/2004 7:39:44 PM.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

IMO I think lying to a priest is just not a good idea.

FH and I live together and when we went for our initial meeting, he asked both our addresses and we told him.

I think even though they are "against" it, its a lot more common these days. Our Priest did not say anything about it.

I don't think he asked if we went to mass regularly. But it isn't even our parish.

FH's parish will be renovating, so we couldn't do it there and this is his aunts parish.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

When I was originilly getting married in a Catholic church, the priest didn't ask if we went, he told us to go EVERY Sunday, together, to the same Mass all the time, and to get involved in the church ( one by us,we don't live on LI) & and to pray together every day in a certain way he showed us.
I knew we weren't going to do all that & I felt guilty pretending we were, so then werealized that we didn't want to get married in a Catholic Church.
It felt like we were pretending to be followers of a religion we didn't believe in.

We are much happier at an Episcopal church.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by Uloveit22

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Posted by diamondgrlie

We lied. When he asked our addresses, I said we lived separately which isnt true. But when he asked how often we went to mass, we were honest and said never. So he suggested a ceremony at the church, not a mass.

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As horrible as it may sound, I don't even really want a full mass...I am HOPING we can just have the ceremony.

I gues I will see what he says...worse case scenario, there are about 4,000 other churches in Brooklyn!

Thanks!

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Message edited 9/27/2004 2:56:06 PM.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

It really sounds like you need to find out this church's policy on marrying people who are not parishoners. I would think that that would be the deciding factor, not how often you go to church. Some churches do not marry people who are not registered parishoners. (And, as someone else mentioned, I don't know that you should assume that you are considered a member b/c you were baptized there. That may not be the case.)

If that is this church's policy, however, you can just go and sign up as members of the parish, then go a few weeks later to set your wedding date. (My mother used to work at our church and she said that people did this quite often. It's not the most honest thing, I guess, but they really can't stop you from becoming members.)

So maybe the easy solution is that you should go join the church, then talk to them about your wedding.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by MonkeyLuv

First of all, the church you were baptised in IS your parish. No matter how many churches they built and what they say about a different parish. They can't just change your parish by saying "hey, this is your new parish now"...that's canon law. So that's 1 less thing for you to worry about.

And about lying to the priest...do you think you'll ever go to church again? what about when you have children? Obviously religion plays some part in your life becuase you want to get married in a church. Even if it's because of tradition or nostalgia...that church has meaning for you.

Just because you aren't practicing Catholics doesn't mean you can't recieve the sacrament. If you don't feel comfortable lying, don't lie. there's no reason to. Priests today see the things that pull and push couples. They are more realistic than you think. I was honest with my priest and told him I didn't attend church except for holidays but that out of respect for my parents and my heritage it was important to me that I get married in the church and have a catholic priest there (i'm actually getting hitched in a greek church). He told me it's my responsbilty to make sure my children are raised catholic, but that it's really up to me and FH how we raise our children.

don't worry, you'd be surprised how practical hey really are. and if your priest doesn't come through...I can recommend one you'll like!

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Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by mms

It really sounds like you need to find out this church's policy on marrying people who are not parishoners. I would think that that would be the deciding factor, not how often you go to church. Some churches do not marry people who are not registered parishoners. (And, as someone else mentioned, I don't know that you should assume that you are considered a member b/c you were baptized there. That may not be the case.)

If that is this church's policy, however, you can just go and sign up as members of the parish, then go a few weeks later to set your wedding date. (My mother used to work at our church and she said that people did this quite often. It's not the most honest thing, I guess, but they really can't stop you from becoming members.)

So maybe the easy solution is that you should go join the church, then talk to them about your wedding.

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Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Be careful, my DH and I were living in Florida finishing school, and we were going to be married in staten island, at my original parish, and priest asked me to mail him my offering records!!!! Thank goodness I go to church and give an envelope, so they had that on file. Honesty is the best policy

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by Janice

Be careful, my DH and I were living in Florida finishing school, and we were going to be married in staten island, at my original parish, and priest asked me to mail him my offering records!!!! Thank goodness I go to church and give an envelope, so they had that on file. Honesty is the best policy

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Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

I wouldn't lie to the priest.

My priest didn't even ask, but he also saw us at church for a few weeks before we met with him.

My cousins were in the same predicament and I believe the only thing the priest said to them was he wanted to see them in church every week.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

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Posted by eogara

..... I'm a firm believer in telling the truth because if you lie, there will always be an elephant in the room with you.....

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Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

Does your mother still go to that church and give an envelope? my parish is strict, and turn away their own if they have a baby out of wedlock, things like that, I am sure you will be fine, if they ask, I would say, well we don't go to church as often as we should. Then they will just say to go more. You will most likely have to do pre cana though. Mine was so strict they sent me to 6 mos of natural family planning, every other saturday morning. After my envelope experience I always give my envelope incase they ask when I am ready to baptize my kids

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

This thread has been helpful because I have been worried myself. Not so much about our priest finding out that I do not go to church often, but that he would learn just how little I know about the Bible (despite 8 years of CCD)!! I feel like I am going to ask stupid questions when we design our ceremony and pick out readings (like, what is a gospel?)

We are not having a full mass because my FH is not Catholic. He still doesn't understand why I have insisted on a Catholic ceremony. The only way I can explain it is that I wanted a religious service as opposed to a civil one and the Catholic religion is the only religion I know. I may not know all of the saints by name, but I wanted a service that would be familiar and have a sense of tradition for me.

Re: Catholic Brides: Lying to the Priest/Church

The priest did not ask us any questions regarding how often we go to mass.