my first BM vent-long UPDATED

I have been really lucky, and probably a bit naive, with my BMs thus far. I let them all pick out their dresses and they all agreed on one, I let them pick out whatever shoes they wanted, not insisting they have their hair done, etc... Anyway, on to the problem. We were supposed to go away for my b-party to DR or Cancun. Due to a few issues like my sisters health, time off from work, people not having the money, etc... we've decided to go to Newport. Our friends have a house there for the summer so we won't even have to worry about finding or paying for a place to stay. We had a bridal party meeting on Friday and they all came except for one, who in her defense had had a small cyst removed the day before. At this meeting was where the Newport idea was decided. The one BM who wasn't there is giving me a really hard time about the choice of Newport. She and another friend want to stay in the city for the weekend and go clubbing, which is NOT what I want to do. I told her very nicely that I wantedto go to Newport. She then wrote everyone a novel of an email stating why she doesn't want to go to Newport and how the city is so much better. Now forgive me if I'm wrong, but isn't this my party? Everyone but 2 people is happy with and set on Newport, so why are they giving me a hard time? I'm at thepoint of telling them if they don't want to go, than they don't have to. ARGHHHH!!!

Re: my first BM vent-long

The party is supposed to be your last hurah as a single woman. It should be what you want to do. If they don't want to do it, then they should quietly bow out and not attend.

My only question, do you think that perhaps they want to stay in the city because it won't be as expensive as traveling to Newport?

Just a thought. I hope it all works out -- and have a good time!

Re: my first BM vent-long

To put it bluntly, tell her to stay home. It is YOUR PARTY, you do what you want. When its her turn, then you guys can take her out to the city to go clubbing. But your calling the shots here and given the circumstances of you being so kind to let them choose the dresses/shoes, you should at least have a right to voice your opinion on what you want. Stand stong on this one girl!!!

Re: my first BM vent-long

HELLO? It's YOUR day not theirs. They are supposed to be there for you during this time not make it a more difficult time for you. IMO I would tell the BM that doesn't want to go that it's YOUR party and you were nice enough to choose Newport and not Cancun because they all couldn't go. I would tell her nicely that this is where you chose to go and if she doesn't want to come then she's the one missing out. GL

Re: my first BM vent-long

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Posted by nferrandi
I'm at the point of telling them if they don't want to go, than they don't have to. ARGHHHH!!!

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I'm all for trying to make everyone happy always. I feel that we ask bridesmaids to celebrate with us and I try to accommodate everyone when possible.
HOWEVER - this is your bachelorette party and I'm also a strong believer in making the party what the bride wants - want her interests are and what is going to make her 'last single hooray' something special for HER.
You should just tell them, this is what we are doing. That you are not about going to clubs and hanging in NYC for the weekend - it's not your style and not how you want to celebrate YOUR last hurrah - so tell them nicely, this is where we are going, if you feel it's really that big of a deal, have fun in the city while we are all up in Rhode Island - Bub-bye!

Re: my first BM vent-long

You're right... this one is being selfish... she's thinking girls night; not your night.

Re: my first BM vent-long

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Posted by aimerliny


My only question, do you think that perhaps they want to stay in the city because it won't be as expensive as traveling to Newport?

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Newport is actually going to be WAY less expensive than NYC. If we went to the city we would have to pay for hotel rooms, in Newport we have a 4 bedroom house for free.

Re: my first BM vent-long

I'm sorry you have to even go through this!!


Where is it written that we are supposed to accomodate our bridesmaids at the expense of our OWN wishes? I just don't get it. I've been in many a bridal party where I've had to do things I wouldn't have chosen .. but you just go along with it because you love your friend and want to make them happy. When you 'sign up' for bridesmaid duty, that goes with the territory!

I think its very unfortunate that your friend is making such a big stink over this NYC/ Newport dilemma. I totally would choose Newport also, but that's because my clubbing days are SO over and that suggestion would bore me to tears.

Stand your ground and make it clear that what YOU WANT GOES!!

Re: my first BM vent-long

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To put it bluntly, tell her to stay home. It is YOUR PARTY, you do what you want.

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I agree!!!

Re: my first BM vent-long

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Posted by divabride

To put it bluntly, tell her to stay home. It is YOUR PARTY, you do what you want. When its her turn, then you guys can take her out to the city to go clubbing. But your calling the shots here and given the circumstances of you being so kind to let them choose the dresses/shoes, you should at least have a right to voice your opinion on what you want. Stand stong on this one girl!!!

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I agree! its your party and you should do whatever YOU want to do! if one of your bridesmaids doesn't like it then they don't have to come-if she's already being so negative about coming in the first place then how much fun will she be there???? JMO
good luck!

Re: my first BM vent-long

Sorry they are giving you a hard time!

I completely agree with everyone else -- it's YOUR BP it should be what YOU want to do. It's not your typical girls night out. I could understand her pleading her case and trying to sway the other girls to the NYC idea if it was still up for discussion -- but it's not anymore. Meeting done, decision made. The troublemakers can take it or leave it! I am totally with you on this one. Good luck!

Re: my first BM vent-long

Uhhh, she can stay home if she doesn't want to go to Newport.

Tell her to deal with it.

Re: my first BM vent-long

Tell her to stay the hell home!!! When she gets married you will go where she wants to go.

I really dont understand how people can be so mean to a bride like that.

I am having a spa day as my BP, and one of my sisters does not want to come (she is gay and not very girly) so I said fine. Thats HER loss not mine!!!!

Re: my first BM vent-long-UPDATED AT BOTTOM

So my bridal party had another meeting tonight and the BM who has a problem with Newport showed up 45 minutes late. She then proceeded to reiterate everything she had said in her e-mails all day. Everyone said, well this is what Nicole wants to do, so that's what we're doing. Instead of leaving it at that she tried to keep going saying how when she went to Newport there was nothing to. They told her all of their ideas for the weekend, which from what my sister said, were more than plentiful and she begrudgingly dropped it. ***!? If she keeps this up I'm going to just tell her not to come.