e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

As u all know my bf and i have been talking about getting engaged. i was kinda pressuring him b/c we have lived 2gether for 2 years and have been dating for a total of 3..although we r only 23 yrs old i really feel that our relationship was ready for that next step..im also feeling xtrme pressure from his family b/c they all inists he isnt serious about me and if he was we would b married..i never felt like that until they started putting these horrible doubts in my head (FYI his family and him as well as me dont really get along) we talked about it a little, looked at e-rings but everytime we get close to putting money down on a ring he kinda gets nervous..he said that he really loves me but is scared of being responsible for me and our future children b/c he feels like there is so much pressure on him (he is not used to that b/c he basically grew up on his own with no stable family and relationships to b good role models) he has told me he loves me but cant guarantee that his scaredness will ever go away...

now my q is this..r we so young that this is worth sticking out and seeing if over time and as he matures his views on life and marriage will change. i love him so much and cant bare to lose him yet im terrifed of being with someone who will never commit...can any1 relate? i really need some advice especially a male point of view would help. thanks!!!

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

I would say just try to be patient with him. My FI and I met when we were 18 and it was over seven years before we got engaged, mostly due to the fact that he wasn't completely ready, and money. When the time is right, he will ask! Good luck :)

Jennie

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

Can I ask how old you guys are? I do think that matters some...If I were younger I may not have pressured my FH which I did...because I knew I'd be around 30 when we got married and felt that after 3 years he either knew or didnt know if he saw a future with us...If I had been say 21 I would not have felt the same way....

I have no real advice, other then talking more to him, it does sound like there is some missing communication...often its hard to talk about the situation because emotions get in the way...is there anyone you trust that could help you two talk it out and stay on track as your talking?

Good luck!

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

You have the luxury of being young enough that you can afford to wait it out a bit. I am 32 and have a lot of guy friends, and up until the time they were 28 or so they always said the same exact thing about the girls they dated - they loved them but weren't ready or were scared to commit. Guys have this 'pressure' and 'responsibility' thing hanging over their heads that women (or at least me) find hard to understand sometimes. Anyway, these same friends of mine all ended up getting married within the last couple of years - because they wanted to, not because they were pressured by their girlfriends.

But another view is that I dated someone for 3 years who was 31 when we started dating, and still 'wasn't ready' - I just knew in my heart he never would be so we broke up. Now that same guy is 37 and still single and 'not ready.' My point is that only you know your boyfriend and can decide what his true motives and intentions are. Maybe it's worth taking a little 'break' from each other for a few months so he can determine his true feelings.

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

I know how you feel! I started dating my FH when I was 16. By the time I was 18-19 I KNEW I was going to marry him someday. We talked mariage and agreed that we would finish college first. In my head I knew this was the right thing to do but secretly I wanted to be engaged immediatley. We waited and then during my last semester of college we got engaged. That was 5 1/2 years into the relationship. And by the time the wedding comes that will be 7 1/2 years! So I know how it feels to wait. I think the worst thing you can do right now is put pressure on your boyfriend becasue that could end up backfiring on you. Just enjoy eachother and when the time is right he will propose. Wouldn't you feel happier knowing that he proposed because he was ready and he wanted to rather than he did it because you pressured him? And try not to let his family get to you!

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

Just asked my fiance and here's what he had to say: 'At 23, there's no way I would've been ready to get married.' It should be noted that at this point, he'd been with his girlfriend from college for 3 years and he's one of the most responsible, stable people I've ever met. Granted, he says he doesn't know if he just wasn't ready to be married to HER or because he wasn't mature enough yet. I was 23 when he proposed, but FI was 26 and I think that 3 years made a big difference. My advice would be not to push your guy into something he's not ready for because he'll only resent you for it. The worst reason to get engaged is to prove his family wrong. It's not about them and what they think. It's about the 2 of you. If you want to be with him, then be with him, but if it becomes clear that it's not going anywhere, you might be better off cutting your losses and moving on. Hope this helps!

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

hi girls, thank u so much for all ur advice, i definitly feel that maybe the pressure from his family was kinda pushing me to pressure him more then usual. i think i was feeling like for some reason i needed to justify my relationship to other pple so i was pushing us into something that we dont need to rush into. we love each other so y do we need a wedding to justify that so early in our lives. i promise to keep u all posted :)

Re: e-question for all mostly guys opinions needed

we... FW pulled this trice on me for the first 3 years of dating saying your gonna marry me. I kept on saying, no no no. Well, year 4 (23) i started to see life a little differently, just observeing life between me and FW..then i realized, this whole time she was the one. She didn't get the ring till year 5 (took me a year to pay the suck off :) ) In the whole scope of us, we were living and loving life. Don't push it just to get the title.

if you are comfortable and lokeing for more, defeintally talk about the furture..just don't push to hard. he might not be ready yet but as the same time, in a couple of years and your still dating, you may have to go on to somthing else. he will come around..it will click. it was like a brick falling from the sky and smacking in the heard (ouch). Now i'm heavy into wedding planning and loveing it even more then the day before... tuff it out!!

btw...since you looked at rings but never but money down... he probally knows your size, style and taste...so for all he knows, he is just playing ya cause he already picked one and paying it off???? The things that make ya go HMMM