Bridal Shower Drama.......

This is an update on my sons July wedding. If you all remember the story about my dramatic story about going for the tuxes with my son, how his FW told me off in the store, Well ladies, heres a new one.

Being that my son and I live upstate NY, my daughter (who is a BM) and I were planning a bridal shower for the bride to be down on LI with our family. Knowing that we did not have to do this, but out of the kindness of our hearts, we wanted her to have a shower with our family. After the tux drama, we cancelled it. My son called me a child, so ok thats the way you see it. Fine!

WELL, last Wednesday, I had reveice an invitation to her bridal shower which is being held up here. I called my daughter, she hadn't received hers yet. Here it is Sunday, still nothing. So when my son called me for Mothers Day, I asked about it and said that his ONLY sister and ONLY grandmother DID NOT recieve theirs and if he knew anything about it. His comment was 'mom, i really don't know anything about the shower but wasn't that the purporse of you having the shower down there for her so they could come? I guess they felt they wouldn't come, I don't know'....
SO, now my daughter, my mother and none of our family are invitied except me.

My daughter is flipping roaring angry, my mother will be extremely hurt and crushed. He is her only grandson. My family is NOT invited. After having a long discussion with my daughter, I will not be attending either. How dare they NOT invite the Grooms only sister and only grandmother.

Can you all beleive this? Its just yet another dislike and tasteless action on the bride and her familys part.
It will be their loss. I was making the a quilt, honeymoon scrapbook, wedding photo album and the things that my daughter were getting, now they are getting nothing. These people just don't get it. They seem to constantly say 'this is HER DAY'. well, hellllooo, there is a groom involved and he does have a family.

Have any of you ever heard of such a thing?
We can't wait for this wedding to be over. We're tired of constantly

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I'm sorry you're going through all of this.

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I know its easier said than done, but dont take it personally. Sounds like the bridezilla is the one being childish. Its better that you dont go because by her attitude towards you, she would just ignore you. Im so sorry you have to go through this because I would be so happy if my mom did half the things your doing for your son.

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wow I cannot believe the nerve of some people. That really is tasteless on your Future Daughter in Laws/whoever is planning that shower's part...Sorry you have to go through all of this, it will all be over soon enough

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I think they are acting like children not inviting anyone! but at the same time you should suck it up an go to make your son happy. Its her and his day. Petty fighting isn't good!

to you!

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I can't even imagine what you are feeling right now! Soo sorry...
I totally disagree,JMO, that it is the Brides day..It's my day, or it's her day..
It really isn't...I used to think that way, I got myself more and more upset and stressed because of conflicts with family thinking those thoughts.

In a sense the wedding is yours, your day to marry your love, but everything else is a party for the FAMILY!!

This is absolutely absurd what she is doing to your family. I think your son should be standing up for his family alot more than it sounds like he is doing.

I also have a brother who is getting married out of state, and yes my mom has qualms with certain things but she swallows it because in the end she doesn't want to lose her SON.. because in the end most likely he will stand by his wife and where will you be?

Honest and straightforward..just something to think about
Hurt feelings equal emotional decsions which equal sometimes bad decisions..
Sometimes we have to swallow what we really want to do or say for the better of someone else..

Give him the scrapbook, the quilt, in the longrun he and maybe she will appreciate it when he looks back that his family was there for him..

Just my opinion from someone who has been in similiar situations...

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Posted by MomNeedsTissues



WELL, last Wednesday, I had reveice an invitation to her bridal shower which is being held up here. I called my daughter, she hadn't received hers yet. Here it is Sunday, still nothing.

SO, now my daughter, my mother and none of our family are invitied except me.

My daughter is flipping roaring angry, my mother will be extremely hurt and crushed.

Can you all beleive this? Its just yet another dislike and tasteless action on the bride and her familys part.

It will be their loss. I was making the a quilt, honeymoon scrapbook, wedding photo album and the things that my daughter were getting, now they are getting nothing. These people just don't get it. They seem to constantly say 'this is HER DAY'. well, hellllooo, there is a groom involved and he does have a family.

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HOLD ON! BACK UP THE TRUCK!

Personally, my mother had several bridal shower invitations returned in the mail. One had the wrong address, one had the right address but was returned to her anyway as 'undeliverable'

I HIGHLY doubt that you would have been invited, but not your mother or daughter.

(I think I remember at some point you saying, 'they don't like me') So, why would they invite YOU, but not the other people?

Your daughter should not be angry. By being angry, she will only make this situation worse. I am SURE that they will welcome her at the bridal shower.

IF, those two were not invited, I am sure there was some logic to the decision NOT to invite them. Perhaps they didn't want to 'max out' a bridesmaid who has many other responsibilities in this wedding. Maybe they thought the trip would be too hard on your mother.

And, whatever you were going to make for this wedding, MAKE IT, darn it!

A. this is your son, and you and I both know that you intend your gifts to be for HIM

B. you will only make things MUCH WORSE by not making those items.

If my FMIL decided not to make the things that she promised to make, I don't think I'd EVER forgive her. And, I'd make sure that everyone, including my future children, know that she changed her mind about making our wedding keepsakes...

Best of luck to you! I know it's not easy, but try to get along!

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First of all, I was not asked for a list for the shower, however, they DO have the list for the wedding ivitations. Which by the way are not even sent out yet. The addresses are correct, and they have the clear fancy lables to go with.

Please don't take me being rude or hard but you have to know this whole wedding thing hasn't been an easy taste to swallow.

1 - My son asked me to go with him for her ring. He went on his own, forgetting he asked me. Thats fine. no problem. when she heard this she blew a fit. I didn't ask, he did.

2 - When I had their engagement party, I asked the DJ to NOT play 2 specfic songs. The same DJ is playing for the wedding and i've been accused of giving her a list of songs not to play. Wrong little girl.

3 - My son asked me to go with them for the tuxes. She had him going in circles. Demanding what he was going to wear. After he came out in his street clothes, I asked if he was done and if he decided. He said he was done and didn't know what she wanted him to wear. I told him well i'm gonna go being your done. She then quiet loud said to him 'shes leaving because she's not getting her way'. Little girl, this is between me and my son. He asked me for my opinion, i gave it. I didn't make a decision'.

4 - she asked if I would like to help put the invites together, did she ask? NO. She asked if I could do the printing of the invites.

5 - I've been told that this is her day, not his, and the grooms mother has nothing to do with the wedding. So I guess the RD isn't part of the wedding either?

6 - She has had 2 of her BM's back out due to the demands.

AND I CAN GO ON AND ON AND ON.....

Maybe if you do a search on the boards with my name, you'll get a better picture of this drama.

My daughter is gettng married this October and her FMIL is just as involved as I am. She would not dream of letting her skip a page. Afterall, it is HER SON's day also. The beauty of the day does revolve around the bride, but the day consists of TWO, the Bride and the Groom.

.

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all i can say is i'm sorry you have to go through this.

BUT.... i think you should throw your SON a shower with your family, men & woman. invite her too if you want but make it be a surprise on both their parts. very informal but i can't imagine it will be ill received. especially from your son.

let her squirm.............

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Posted by mattituckprincess

all i can say is i'm sorry you have to go through this.

BUT.... i think you should throw your SON a shower with your family, men & woman. invite her too if you want but make it be a surprise on both their parts. very informal but i can't imagine it will be ill received. especially from your son.

let her squirm.............

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don't leave the bride out. Invite her and her mom. Leave out her sister and grandma

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Posted by suven

don't leave the bride out. Invite her and her mom. Leave out her sister and grandma

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that's great......


we're just trying to make you feel better momneedstissues!

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I appreciate all your opinions and views. I wouldn't of posted if I didn't.

I'm not patting myself on the back nor do I want credit for anything, however, I am far from the 'future-mother-in-law from hell'.
They are young, they haven't exprereinced life just yet and this I have voiced my opinion to my son about this. But this is his life. He has blinders on, and someday he will see the light of it all. We all fall at one time or another.

When they told me the news of their marriage, we were upset due to their ages but I supported that fact of his new life. I told him i was not finacailly able to help but I will do everything humanly possible to do what I can for them.

both my daughter and myself (including my mom), we have hearts of gold. Having a shower for her wasn't something we 'have to do'. its something we wanted to do, not only for her but for my son. when I told him what we had in mind, his first response was 'did you get the OK from her mom?'. We weren't aware we had to get permission to do something nice.

Its all the things that added up to the decission to cancel. The thought of not even considering to invite his only sister and grandmother are totally unexceptable. and he should of opened his mouth and say something. Correct? They claimed that because their from LI they won't come, thats not true. My daughter said from the beginning that she wouldn't be able to go. I was brought up with respect for others feelings and you do the right thing and this is what I have enstilled in my children. The right thing to do is you invite and let the person refuse. One more thing on the invites, there are friends from up here that are also on the wedding list that didn't get an invite to the up here shower. Whats the excuse for not inviting them? See my point? Again, it reverts back to what I've been saying for the last few months 'this is HER wedding and HER wedding only'.

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This is NOT TO OFFEND, but I think both you and his Fiance are being very petty to one another. It seems like it's very nasty and I can only feel bad for your son.

Take the lead...and don't sink to her level. Posts that say 'wrong little girl' make me think 'immature adult.'

Sorry...just my opinion and isn't that what these posts are for? I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Maybe just talk to your son and just try to stay out of it. In the end, once they are married, where will you be then? Obviously he loves her and I'm sure he's pained at all the drama.

Good luck.

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How old are they

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Posted by StepherG


Take the lead...and don't sink to her level. Posts that say 'wrong little girl' make me think 'immature adult.'

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To be honest, I thought the same thing when I saw that reference. For a couple of years, whenever my mom would get mad at me, she'd call me 'Little Girl'

Finally, one day I snapped and told my mom, 'I am 25 years old. I have earned my Master's degree. I own my own home, own my own car, and make more money than you do...OLD LADY' That seems to have ended all references to 'little girl'

But seriously, and I am not saying that the bride is not to blame, but you BOTH need to be better to each other. One of you has to start.

Can't you just call up the hostess of the bridal shower and say, 'I was making plans with my mother and daughter to travel to the shower together, but they told me that they haven't received an invitatin. Did you receive it back in the mail?' Lord knows, my mother would do that in a heartbeat!

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Posted by StepherG
This is NOT TO OFFEND, but I think both you and his Fiance are being very petty to one another. It seems like it's very nasty and I can only feel bad for your son.
Take the lead...and don't sink to her level. Posts that say 'wrong little girl' make me think 'immature adult.'
Sorry...just my opinion and isn't that what these posts are for? I'm sorry that you have to go through this. Maybe just talk to your son and just try to stay out of it. In the end, once they are married, where will you be then? Obviously he loves her and I'm sure he's pained at all the drama.

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I agree completely. However this began, it seems to have escalated past the point that is necessary. It's like no matter what you or FDIL do, it's going to annoy the other. While both of you need to take a step back and reassess the situation, someone is going to have to start and it seems like that someone is going to have to be you. Also, since bridal showers are not generally thrown by the bride, it seems a little odd that you are assuming that it is your FDIL that made the decision not to invite your daughter and mother.

While you may be battling head-to-head on everything else, the one thing you both should be looking out for is the welfare of your son/her FH. Based on what you're saying, it doesn't seem like his feelings are even being considered by either of you. JMO.

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What is wrong with these people Do they have any class????

I do not think that you should have cancelled the shower for your FDIL down here. Two wrongs don't make a right, and maybe they would learn from example. It SUCKS to always be the bigger one but sometimes you just have to.

Also I am more concerned about the fact that your son is not defending his family at ALL. That is not right and that would scare me that these people are going to suck him up and that will be the end of that and your relationship with him will suffer.

I have seen this happen with a friend of mine, that is the only reason that I bring it up.

I would call her mother up and ask her why is it that she didn't not invite your daughter (who if I understood you correctly is in the bridal party?) and your mother. I would tell her how hurt that they are by this slight and that you don't want to start the families off on the wrong foot.

But I think that you REALLY need to have a talk with your son. Though he is building a new family with his FW he shouldn't be forgetting about his family also.

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Are you SURE no one else is invited? How long ago did you get your invitation?

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I really have to agree with Wrong little girl. It really makes you sound like a child. And I might not like ya to much either if you had that kind of attitude with me. Let me tell you that My FH asked my parents permission for my hand. We have been together for 9 years. We met when I was 14 and he was a week shy of his 16th birthday. We got engaged on my 21st birthday. My mom was happy for me that night but later on she expressed how she thought I was a little to young and you know what that really TICKED me off. Cause honestly this is our wedding We might be young but we have been together FOREVER! We Love each other! I honesly think my mom should have kept that to herself! You know... I am an adult. She knows we are in love. She knows she was the same age when she got engaged but things were different back then (according to her) My mom hated the idea of the BM dresses I picked out. She expressed this to me It hurt my feelings but I did anyway! My brother called yesterday and he said So how is moms wedding comin along. Cause he knows that she sometimes puts her 2 cents in when she shouldnt.

I don't mean to offend you but You are coming across to me as someone who is upset and kind of feels like someone is stealing their little boy aways from her. This is your son and who your son Loves. Its his wedding sometimes things shouldnt be said! Sometimes for your ADULT childrens sake you should Zip the lip. I am assuming that they are adults (over 18) other wise you would need to sign a paper allwoing it.