Depressed About Things with FH - Update

He actually lied to me about going to the bar on Monday. And he had lied about being there last Thursday. This is when he had also went there on Tuesday, Friday and Saturday. It is bad when he has to lie about it. I'm just so depressed. I don't think I can even stay with him because now I can't trust him since I see how he lies, and I have to catch him in them in order for him to admit that he was lying. And I don't want to be with a frat boy who needs to go to the bar almost daily. If he goes once or maybe even twice a week, fine. But I just don't know what to do now.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

have you talked to him about (a) why he feels the need to go to a bar every night and (b) why he thinks it's okay to lie to you?

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

You need to talk to him and tell him how his behavior, especially the lying, is making you feel. He needs to understand that trust is paramount in a relationship.

Good luck

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

What I will say to you is TALK TALK TALK.

You have to get to the bottom of this.

You do not want to start off your marriage like this as it will only resurface at a later date.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

He always goes because it's his friends from work hanging out there. But I don't think it's healthy to hang out there so much. Maybe if they actually hung out in circumstances where they won't be drinking beer every single time. He just doesn't tell me because he knows I'll be mad. He says he won't lie about it now. But what's done is done. He said to me, there have been times where I did the same thing, and I was like 'WHEN?' I never lie about where I am. Why the hell would I lie?

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Like Wendy said, can you ask him why is is at the bar so much and why he lies about it?

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Definitely clear this up before you get married!!! If he does it now he will do it when he gets married. I would have serious trust issues if I were you. I hope it works out

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

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Posted by ChristineC68

You need to talk to him and tell him how his behavior, especially the lying, is making you feel. He needs to understand that trust is paramount in a relationship.

Good luck

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couldn't have said it better than Christine.

Trust and honesty are key to making any relationship work. You have to sit down and talk this out , and make him realize how hurt you are about his lying..

I wish you good luck and hope everything works out for you!!!

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

I didn't see your response - how often is he going to the bar? does he ever ask you to come join him there?

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

I wish you luck sweetie! Talk!!! Talk to him...give him cause to feel that he doesn't need to lie...he is lying b/c he knows it is wrong but doesn't want to suffer your wrath or hurt you. You need to talk to him.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

I would go show up there when you think he is there, and spy!

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Hate to be unoriginal but you defintely should TALK to him. Ask him if he truly believes that his actions making you second guess him, is worth his trips there. Talk to him.......

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Well, last week was really excessive. I would say like three times a week. I was so mad too on one day I got my wisdom teeth out, and it was the day it was done, and I was in pain, and he was working nights, and he actually stopped at the bar during work which is 5 mins. away from me instead of stopping by me to see how I was.

He does ask me to join him a couple times, but I usually don't go anymore because I'm the only girl there then, and it's like okay, this is a guys' thing.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

Talk to him about it, tell him how this makes you feel.

I have felt like a 'bar widow' at times. Men sometimes need to prove to themselves or their buddies that they are not 'whipped' by doing the same things they did when they were single. It so silly. I think after you speak with him and over time this will get better.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

I don't feel like I can trust him anymore. He's lied before. I will just always have doubts.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

What was his response when you confronted him? Does he think it is no big deal or is he taking the situation seriously?

I am soo sorry you feel so bummed.

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

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Posted by violet

I don't feel like I can trust him anymore. He's lied before. I will just always have doubts.

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very BIG ISSUE.........

Re: Depressed About Things with FH

He just said he was sorry and thinks it's something he has to apologize for a few times, and then I'll be okay. He doesn't think it's a big deal.