postings-Karen G & other married ladies

Thanks so much for continuing to post on this website even after "the big day" has passed for you. I find it so helpful to hear all the stuff that we brides-to-be may never possibly realize or know until AFTER the wedding day. Karen, your info regarding having alot of stuff to take care of post-shower (besides the thank you's) is something I just wouldnt have thought of...yikes, I know my shower wont be until February (Im getting married in March)..my maid of honor is getting married in January. I kind of wish they would do it earlier...

So I know I'll surprise her - just don't want to look weird (you know, how we do everything for 'them').

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

Still so weird to see Karen G for me :) Sometimes this whole married thing seems so surreal - LOL

I'm happy to help. I check in to the board b/c my sister is now planning her wedding. Our mom died when we were little and as the big sister, I'm holding her hand throughout the process. This is the easiest way I have to keep on top of current news ('cause I never want to see another bridal mag again! LOL!)

Even in Feb, I'm sure you'll be OK. I know it feels like so many things are happening at once and can be overwhelming - but its a fun ride and you only do it once (or at the very least, once fo r the first time) and you should enjoy it. I was overwhelmed at my shower by all the love and generosity of my friends and family.....just remember to stop and smell the roses. :o)

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

I'm glad to share my experience. It's always nice to hear answers from people who actually did it already.

I wish there were more newleyweds on the site when I was planning. I actually booked my reception hall, from a referral on here, she just got married there and told me about it.

Also, from being on here about 5-10 times a day before the wedding(it's an addiction I had), it's so hard to stay away.

The Addiction

I am glad to here that I am not the only one!!! I still constantly come to the board and read the posting, it is just a habit that is hard to break, besides reading them helps me to remember my time as a planning bride, and you are right, it is nice to see posting from people that have been through it. It was certainly nice as I was planning...perhaps I should stop reading so much and start typing again, I did not know that people appreciated hearing from us "old married folks!!"

Good luck with your decision.

The Addiction

I definately appreciate the married folks comments!!!! Kate put me at ease about Eastwind and I am so excited about going to book it, not nervous anymore!!! Thanks guys!! And I to check in more times a day then I care to admit!!!

My suggestion, is to call the town hall that you are going to go to, and ask what is all needed before you go there...and while you are at it, ask what they accept for payment (money order, check, etc).

If you are getting married in the state of New York, then you can go anywhere in the state of New York to get the marriage license - that is what I was told, but you can ask to make sure.

The Addiction

I'm happy for you Val. I'm so glad you picked Eastwindg. Your guests are going to love it. I'm still hearing about the gardens because on my day, my guests sat outside for cocktail under little umbrellas around the garden and waterfalls. When we walked by to the bridal suite, we walked by everyone walking through the garden, sitting, eating, and it was a crisp sunny day and not a cloud in the sky, which made it even prettier. Don't forget to ask for John; he was wonderful

Hi I am wearing a tiara too. I love the way it looks with my hair up!! I had a veil attached to a comb so I can just whip it off after the ceremony (not a fan of a veil but my mom cried when I tried one on) Word of advice. If you are getting a tiara and a veil make sure they are two seperate pieces. Some tiaras are attached to the veil and you are stuck with it all night. Try Patchogue floral they have a huge selection of tiaras (and other headpieces). Some tiaras are very dainty and petite and others are huge and tall. Good Luck

****Try hitting one of the bigger Hallmark stores in one of the malls. I was at one this weekend and they had cake toppers, cake servers, toasting glasses, guest books (didn't see a pillow though)....

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

I agree with Brenda...I wish there were more newlyweds when I planned...

But I'm glad that others are here to talk about stuff....

Anyone have a guest that didn't bring a gift? I have someone on the husband's side who told me she forgot the check at home and would mail it....waiting...waiting...waiting....my husband is crazed and wants to call...is that right? or just chalk it up to our loss and bad manners on their part?

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

Jenn;

Remind him that gifts are not required, they are GIFTS.

He might, however, mention in passing next time he sees her, that she may want to stop payment on the check she had said she was sending, because it was never recieved.

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

I agree with you Karen re: not asking. Really any which way you ask comes across poorly. Even if you make the case for the fact that it could be lost in the mail...it would be a far stretch of the imagination to believe that the person who "forgot" the check on the wedding day coincidentally had their check "lost" in the mail. They may be in a money crunch that you are not aware of and don't know how to address it. Or they may be (sadly enough) just not coming through at all. Hard as it may be, I would try to let it go. Don't forget that etiquette states that you have up to a year after the wedding to send a gift. If it hasn't been a full year yet, sometimes people come through at the last minute.

Gifts

Guess who didnt bring gifts to my wedding - my 2 bosses! They did throw me an office shower & gave us a microwave - so I'm guessing that was their gift

?

But in the end - as was posted before - a gift is a gift. If I had to choose, I'd rather have them there without a gift then not at all!

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

I agree to some point, but I would definitley ask in passing, "hey you may want to put a stop on that check, it may have gotten lost in the mail"

My own personal etiquette, I would not go to a wedding if I could not afford to bring a gift. Unless it was part of my immediate family. That's just tacky. The bride and groom spend so much on everything.

Maybe I'm just bitter because we paid for the entire wedding ourselves and got back less than 6% of the total. But I have to remember it's a day I will always remember.

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

really! <6%??? yikes...we were hoping for 40-45%

Maybe I'm just bitter because we paid for the entire wedding ourselves and got back less than 6% of the total. But I have to remember it's a day I will always remember.

Expenses & Lost check

Re: check. When that guest gets their bank statements, they'll know the check didn't clear. If it was really sent, they'll call you because they'll know something went wrong. Therefore, there is no need to call and follow up on the gift. The only thing it will accomplish is putting the guest on the spot & making them feel uncomfortable.

6% of total wedding expenses or reception expenses? Our gifts covered 100% of the reception but only 50% of the wedding expenses (gowns, photographer, gifts, rehearsal dinners, invites, etc.

We paid for our wedding ourselves too. And it was difficult. I agonized over every $100. We had a nice wedding with 85 of our friends and family. And we had a few guests that came but could not afford to cover their plates.

Expenses & Lost check

It was 6% of the total, we didn't even get the entire reception cost.

Luckily we are not in debt and everything has already been paid for.

I agree you should not budget on what you think you might get, believe me we sure didn't.

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

I had a guest who did not bring a gift- They actually called us and said they forgot to give it to us-now it is a moth later and we are still waiting- However we know they have our correct address because they did not hesitate to send us an invite to a Christening in the interim.

Enjoy!

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

UPDATE!

My mother-in-law spoke to her cousin (the one who "forgot" the envelope) and it was mentioned in conversation that a gift is on the way....whatever.

I agree it's tacky to ask for a gift, but to come to a wedding in this day and age without a gift is twice as tacky....this was not a "football reception" like they had in the 1940s...this was a nice elegant affair that cost an arm and a leg.....luckily we made 100% of the reception costs, but not really much of anything else back...if it wasn't for the generosity of my parents....

Please read..sorry so long

This is just a comment so please don't anyone jump down my throat. It appears to me that there are people out there who are planning an expensive wedding and reception and then expecting their guests to pay for it. I would like to relate an experience that I had several years ago. I was a divorced mom of 2 teens. My ex was paying no child support and I was working 70 hours a week to pay my bills. A co-worker invited me to her wedding and although I initially declined because I did not have the money for a fancy dress(black tie evening wedding)or a gift, I finally relented after this co-worker told me not to worry about a gift, that she just wanted me there. I took her at her word and attended the wedding. I was not able to give a monetary gift, but did give her a beautiful card and a leather bound book of poems. A few weeks later when she had returned to work I was in the ladies room and overheard a conversation she was having with another co-worker. Imagine my shock when I heard her degrade not only me..but my gift. By the end of the day my whole department knew that I had not given a monetary gift and when the next wedding came around I was not invited...I wonder why. If she had told me that the only reason she wanted me there was for the check..I would have stayed home. I say..if you can't afford an expensive wedding don't have one.You should not expect your guests to foot the bill!!!

It all worked out for me. Good Luck.

Good luck

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

Maybe it's me but I don't understand what the big deal is about getting a wedding gift!! We are not getting married and throwing a reception to obligate our family and friends to give us gifts.. What's tacky is antagonizing over the fact that someone "forgot" to bring a gift. That's like charging a fee to come to your wedding if your expecting everyone to bring gifts. You should be grateful that these people are willing to take the time and spend and unforgetable day w/ you for the most important day of your life!! If someone "forgot" to bring a gift forget about it, they might not be able to afford the gift. You don't know their finacial situation, so don't write them off as tacky guests.. Ladies this is about LOVE, ROMANCE, HAPPINESS and FAMILY, not about what % I can make back in gifts. You women are married now, you have more improtant things to think about than who gave and who didn't. You need to think about the next party to be throwing which should be house warming and baby showers!!

I was just married at Eastwind and it's beautiful, especially if you plan on a spring/summer wedding. The gardens are beautiful and the staff and food are unbelievable. Give Hampton Jitney a call - We do plays in Manhattan from out here all the time in groups for my company. We pay 600 - 650 for a bus of 48. The are out here somewhere.

I too had people from NJ, NYC and then all the way out to Orient attending my wedding, so we picked Wading River right in the middle, sort of. Anyway, I chose a Friday afternoon. 12pm church and 1pm reception. Only 2 people didn't come. It was memorial day weekend. If you choose an early day time, people probably won't have a problem driving out. Weekends are tough to drive out east, unless! you do it early Saturday. like 1pm - 2pm, this way people can drive back in the light. If I can help with any questions, let me know.

postings-Karen G & other married ladies

While I agree that the marriage & celebrating your love is truly what the day is about, I certainly don't think anyone here is doing anything but venting and working through the frustrations. It is proper wedding etiquette for guest to bring a gift. In other countries or even other parts of this country, montary gifts are unheard of but nonetheless a wedding is a gift giving occasion. I also find that many people use that guideline of having up to a year after to send a gift. But there is an added frustration for a bride & groom of a guest going on about how they forgot the gift etc. When my day comes, I wouldn't think I would ever end up confronting a guest regarding a gift. I will try to let it go. I think that anyone who is working through these feelings has every right to vent it here with others who may understand and offer suggestions on how to handle it so they are comfortable with these people in the future, for example, being invited to their own events by those same guests. Ah, the lessons of life...

No magic potions here ( I wish I had some I'd split it with you) Just best wishes.

Please read..sorry so long

Louise, your book of poems would have been my favorite gift. I didn't expect to make money at my wedding and I went in thinking that way. We paid cash for everything and have no bills. I was only sad because 4 out of 5 sister in laws didn't even give me a card to wish us well and we all get along. I'm trying to get through that.

That sounds exactly right. Once you order the dress, it's yours. Some women find a dress in a magazine and try to find shops that carry that dress. I found a dress in a magazine and couldn't find a store that carried it anywhere! Finally, I found a store that said that had one very similar. I ended up going there, trying on the dress they carried and liking it better than the one in the magazine.