The Big Three: Three Key Components to Happily Ever After

Mar 13, 2019 12:24 PM Back

Long Island with the coveted Gold Coast and town such a Levittown that gave soldiers the option of affordable housing to start a family (after the war) our little enclave of New York has always been about family life and having the best happily ever possible.

And, who knows better about happily ever after than those who have done it successfully before us. Here are some helpful hints to ensure you Big Day blossoms into many years and years of everlasting love and marital bliss.

1. Take your focus off the wedding and put the same effort and more on the marriage. The “mistake” many “modern” couples make is placing all their energy on THE BIG BASH. But, that is probably the smallest component of your wedding day. In fact, it has little to do with your happily ever after. And, if you think planning your wedding was “stressful” well, just wait until you step into planning your lives, your future and the future of your family. Truth be told marriage is HARD WORK and it requires patience and understanding. It also means that you just don’t throw in the towel when the going gets tough. In fact one of the best things that could happen to happy couples heading down the aisle is having something, albeit small or minor, NOT go according to plan on their Big Day. It will teach them how to roll with the punches and experience firsthand that marriage (also) will not be smooth or perfect. It will also give them a chance to learn how to cope with adversity and disappointment and come up with an acceptable “plan B” to handle it.

2. Remember If There Are Issues Beforehand Its Best to Resolve Them BEFORE Getting Married: Make sure you are both REALLY on the same page and want the same things out of life. It’s also imperative to understand where the other person “is coming from”. No one is saying that The Montagues and the Capulets Can’t make it work…but that would mean both parties understand their significant differences and are A-OK with them. Best to hammer out ALL you deal breakers before the big day and come to some form of resolution that you can both agree on and that is amenable to both and each of you. If you marry someone thinking they will change based on YOUR good influence, think again. No One changes unless they want to and the only person who is sure to change is YOU as frustration and resentment set in. Do you know why couples have a first dance? I can’t say for sure, but it’s likely because marriage is a delicate and complex dance between two people from two different backgrounds, different aspiration, hopes, dreams, families, etc…all which may change over time and it takes some seriously fancy footwork to continue moving in unison in the same direction.

3. Never marry to make your life better or his or her life more complete. Remember you need to be fully happy and independent before you can make someone else happy and enter into a union of codependency. Sure your spouse WILL enhance your life, but that is not HIS or HER job…it is ONLY a byproduct of two self-assured, confident people coming together and working together to. If you are not happy on your own, you may be happy, for a while, with your mate, but when life kicks in, it may not be unusual for you to (once again) start looking “outside the box” for happiness. Remember, in the long run, marriage is about not only everlasting love but also everlasting friendship and before you can show love and friendship to another you have to be totally comfortable loving yourself and being your own best friend. If you are content in yourself and in your life, it will make it easier for you to work with your spouse to make all your dreams come true….and, the bad times won’t seem that bad…and the good times will resonate as GREAT.